Being Honest Without Being Hurtful

Don't you just cringe when someone you know says, "Well I believe in being honest!" or "I tell it like it is..." right after a hurtful remark? I do. Back a few years ago, a person who made these statements might be called 'frank'. No matter what century we live in, it's tactless, rude and often meant to be hurtful and bring someone else down.

So after my friend contacted me requesting some of my time, I felt doubly burdened, both my her request and my need to define my boundaries and protect myself. And that led to avoidance, which is never nice or kind, especially among friends. When she contacted Katie later in the week to ask if she knew whether or not I'd gotten a message, I knew I had to face up to my responsibility...and stop trying to avoid working out how to balance yet another portion on my plate.

I was in prayer about how to handle the situation. Until I woke Sunday morning I didn't have a clue what to do. I could continue to avoid her, but that was dishonest. And it wasn't kind. She called me friend, I thought of her as a friend. As a Christian I was called to be different than I'd been thus far. Yet, as a human, I had to balance my limitations and my personal. Some gesture was required. I felt downright frustrated trying to figure out how to fit in her request.

Ultimately I was honest. I told her how full my plate was and how I'd struggled and that I'd avoided her request and why. Then I told her the rest of the story: I cherished her friendship and wanted to do what I could for her. The plan she'd suggested wouldn't work for me, but if we could meet on another date away from her home or mine (where interruptions would occur) I'd be more than happy to listen to her woes and in the meantime I'd pray for her and her situation.
Thankfully all this suited her splendidly, which I'm glad of. And had she said the date wouldn't work for her, I'd have apologized and left it at that, because I'd truly offered her the only available time I had.

It was hard to struggle through this situation. It really pointed up my need of determining what is important, what I can honestly give and how much is too much. Just telling this friend how strapped for time and personal space I was at the moment was freeing. I'd felt guilty, mean, selfish...

It seems like I'm on a huge learning journey at the moment. I never thought my 50th year would be such. I no sooner determine that I need to go in a certain direction than I am suddenly tested to see if I mean what I say. And the theme of this current learning season is definitely about boundaries, respecting my own and others boundaries, knowing how far is too far and when it's not far enough and when to tell others it's too much.