I've long said that September feels like a mini New Year of sorts. At one time, that was the beginning of the school year, so the month is associated with the idea of a new beginning, an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. September in my youth meant the possibility that for this school year we'd be more popular, make better grades, find our passionate interest, finally fit in, etc. Now if you were all of those things and then some, more power to you. Me? I was the overweight, very shy girl sitting at the back of the class. You know. The one who wrote poetry only no one knew it until her senior year...;-P
Well, that said, let's return to the subject at hand. A new beginning. Another opportunity to make and meet goals. Except for New Year's Day, the only other most perfect month to start over. A second opportunity to face a blank page and write our future.
I know. I do go all poetic over September. First of all, I love the month. Nope, not my birthday. I was born smack in the middle of winter. But autumn speaks to my soul. It's full of rich color and the crisp cool weather I find most bearable and it all smells wonderful as well. And then there's that whole 'new year' association that just adds to the general sense of anticipation and new opportunity.
Officially, I am one/seventh (1/7) done with my personal challenge. And if you were to ask me what's changed, I could tell you honestly: very little. My finances are still not where I'd like to see them. My weight is just this side of a little more than I started out with. My goals have pretty much been met, but almost too easily. There's a strong need to be more challenged in some ways and a struggle to figure out what is enough of a challenge and what is hopelessly too far reaching. But I am nothing if not optimistic. So I'm going to make new goals and shoot for them just as though I'd been a roaring success all along, because that is just what I do.
Goals for September:
Move. Move my body. Stretch my limbs. Stretch my limits. For years I've used an old car accident and the limitations that resulted as an excuse. Well maybe it's time I moved on and learned how to overcome all of the limitations! Frankly I'm tired of excuses, valid or not. I'm tired of this last area of vicitimization I've allowed to overtake my life. I may be overweight. I do not have to afraid to move. This I can do. I am sure of it. Besides, there's enough of who I might have been scattered like a retread tire all over the highway of my past. It's time I tried harder to be what I still might become.
Eat. Seasonal fresh foods. More fiber, more raw fruits and vegetables. The best I can afford on our budget. I'm going to savor September on my tongue: fresh apples, grapes, pears, cabbage, spinach, tomatoes. I'm going to bulk up my food intake so that I feel fuller and more satisfied while eating fewer calories and getting more natural vitamins and minerals into my system. If I'm going to overeat, then let me fill up on fruits and vegetables, not cakes and pies. Not that I plan to give up those. No, I'm not. I'm just planning to leave less room to indulge in them! I plan to have my favorite seasonal sweet treats, too. Fried Apple pies, caramel apple, homemade doughnuts, Butternut cake. Just not all at once. Nor all by myself. I'll make and share the goodies to eliminate the urge to binge.
Clean. I am so ready to do a major Fall cleaning. To get rid of the stuff that has accumulated in my home and in my life over the past year (the last time I had opportunity to do a really good deep cleaning). Cleaning also involves moving. I have to bend, lift, stoop, etc to do the cleaning properly. This will be good for me on two counts. As I clean I want to get rid of the guilt: unused items hiding away in closets and drawers, old dreams that no longer fit, old clothes too.
Rediscover. The things I've got that are lovely and pretty and which for some strange reason I refuse to use or enjoy. For instance, that huge garden tub in my bathroom. The very one I told Mr. I couldn't even think of purchasing the house if it didn't have such a tub. The very one that was specially ordered so we could have the house of our dreams. The one that has been unused for over a year.
And what about that lovely vintage tableware that I never pull out of hiding? Or those darling little pointy toed kitten heeled shoes I wore once and put away? And the good jewelry instead of just the costume stuff? Or the vintage brooches I adore but haven't pulled out of hiding in ten years?
So much of my passions are hidden? It's time to draw them out into the open once more. To once again say "Oh yes, I am THAT woman!"
Understand. That it isn't all about getting others to recognize my boundaries, it's coming to understand what my boundaries are that I never bother to explore. Why do I have all this fear of horrible things happening? Why am I still so certain somewhere inside that this is all a lovely dream and I'll wake up to the same sadness I once had? Why do I only view my life through the terrible "ifs"? Where is my trust in God's grace and goodness? Why do I buy into the idea that I am unlovable, ugly, not capable? Why, when all my life has proved otherwise?!
Accept. Abundance. That I deserve better than okay or good enough. To reach for the best in foods, in clothes, in dreams, in my financial life. It's not necessarily about how much money you spend. It is all about quality. I need to learn to balance my love of a bargain with my need to feel financially secure. I need to stop and consider how I can have the best of all things, not just here at the sacrifice of that. It isn't a matter of not having enough. It's a matter of always using what you have the most wisely.
Gratefulness. I've lost my attitude of gratitude. For a long time, when we were struggling financially so I could be a stay at home mom/wife, I kept a daily gratitude journal. Daily. I read it now and still feel the immense joy I felt recounting those blissful moments, those little blessings and big happenings at the end of each day. I lean more towards complaining about what I don't have, fearing that there won't be enough time or money or love, being impatient when I need to wait for things, people, changes. So Lord, I ask that once again, I remember to daily account for my gratitude. On paper. Every day. Because I've lost sight of how often I am blessed, and how much those blessings mean.
Plant. I love flowers so much...and I have had very few in the last few years. I haven't bothered to do any real yardwork in a long long time. I plan to purchase daffodil and grape hyacinth bulbs, plant poppy and sweet peas. And just generally begin to plan out a real honest to goodness flower garden. I have an idea and I think it will be pretty and work beautifully. I just need to start.
That's my goals for September!
Day 6:
I didn't get a chance to quite finish my monthly goals the other night, so they had to wait until today. Here's a quick update on my last goals and how I managed to meet them:
Dear Husband gave me money to go buy underthings. I had a frustrating, awful day trying to find bras. Tried on 15 and NONE of them fit properly. The dressing room was tiny, ill lit and stuffy, so I was perspiring bullets. And we won't even go into the whole dressing room funhouse mirror effect, okay? I have full length mirrors at home and either they are magic or I just look at myself with a lot more love when I'm home because the dressing room mirrors absolutely do nothing but reveal every dimple, fold, flab, unshaven hair and scar magnified times ten. So I gave up and went home in a perfect snit with only aching feet and a badly bruised ego to show for my efforts. I stopped at another store and bought five bras to bring home and try on. I was so tired and ill that after trying on two I quit and set them aside.
This morning, after a long relaxing, soothing beauty bath in my garden tub, I revisited the bra situation. In my drawer were two bras bought last year and set aside because the fit was so disappointing. I tried those on first. I need to lengthen the straps on one bra. The other is useless to me, the cups far too big despite the tags assurance that I bought the proper size. Then I took the five new ones and tried each on. Despite the fact three were the same style, just different colors, one fit and two didn't. I tried on two more of a different style, in two different colors, both fit nicely with the straps lengthened to the maximum. So I have new bras, times 3 and one to alter slightly.
Still haven't begun listing items on ebay. Have continued with the grocery budget challenge and am very proud of the way it's working out. The family is on board with the idea of weekly shopping. I find their complaints or urging to splurge have been cut down considerably by their knowledge that I shall be shopping again the next week. It's remarkable how much more willing they are to wait one week as opposed to two. The checkbook isn't completely showing the changeover yet because I started this project just three weeks ago. But I think in the next month or two there will be a remarkable difference in our checking balance.
Bought a water hose and paint for the porch railings and a new patio pot full of plants to dress up the outdoors. I still need to get busy with the actual work of washing and cleaning and gardening outdoors. I did clean off the porch, deck and patio. Still haven't repotted houseplants either. No excuse except procrastination.
I still haven't gotten interfaced for internet on the laptop. And yes, I do plan to do that. I got caught up this past week in making appointments and meeting obligations and starting Fall cleaning. One section of one side of the kitchen has been cleaned and looks gloriously clean and free of clutter. That said, the laptop is still only good for playing mahjongh or using Word. I just need to do it. Again procrastination.
Lastly, I wanted to try and eat lighter in the evenings and observed halfway through the month that I wondered what life would be like eating just half. I've been consciously cutting down my portions ever since. Even I pile it on my plate right off, I stop and remove half. Rarely do I want more. Again, the goal is to lose, but if I don't lose, I am at least attempting to be healthier.
So there we are, new month, new goals, and updates on the old month just past. September is promising to be a terrific month this year!
