We had disappointing news today about an outcome we'd hoped for...the sort of thing that you try not to get your hopes up about, but do anyway and then find yourself swallowing back a big lump in your throat when you realize it isn't going to happen. I can't reveal more, but suffice it to say that it wasn't a life crisis and we'll get over it but yes, it was most definitely a disappointment of some proportion.
We've talked a lot off and on about it, each expressing how disappointed we are, but careful too, to acknowledge the many blessings we've received in the past week alone, as well as the answered prayers we've seen manifested in our lives over the last few months.
Honestly we don't believe God let us down. We don't know the reason behind what happened but we believe it will come right in the end. We both acknowledged the answered prayers, the blessings we've received and that was important for many reasons. It reminded us that our God is faithful. It reminded us in whom we trust. We are more aware than ever that He is our source for all things. But there can be no doubt that for a moment today our faith was stretched and stretched as we absorbed the news. It was a time to choose in whom we'd believe. We decided it was to be God our Father.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
A New Season
Gosh, I can't believe I've not written here since my birthday...I thought I'd better check in as the 'real me' once more, just so I don't lose myself in the PennyAnn identity.
So where am I? I have experienced a great deal of peace after my tangled feelings this past year as God subtracted things from my life. I think it's called 'acceptance'...but it's more than that really. It's an acknowledgement that while He has seen fit to subtract a lot from my life, he's also narrowed my focus. PennyAnn Poundwise isn't just a blog. It's part of my mission. My purpose in writing that blog is to teach others what I've learned over the years, what I'm learning still: how to live frugally and well. How to make the most of what is at hand and make it as beautiful as it can be made.
I see Granny every few weeks. She always knows me but begins to struggle for simple words about 20 minutes into a visit, and by the time I've been with her half an hour she often is delusional and rambling or she gives up in frustration and is mute. The Assisted Living Center is a safe area for her now. She likes the routine and the surety of that routine.
Katie has pretty much cut the apron strings. She is dealing with issues of her own at present and it's been hard for me to not want to fix and repair for her. I'm learning to let go of her, too, to strike that balance of loving her and letting her know I trust her to figure out her own life. I am struggling with the part where I pray and believe in God's best for her life.
I'd been in prayer this past year for pictures of my North Dakota grandchildren. At best we've had some fuzzy cellphone shots which were too unclear to really see the kids. Recently Amie posted some good shots of the children and I printed them off. Oh how they have grown!
John and I are now quite comfortable with each other. We're enjoying this stage of newly found freedom in our lives. Since we started our marriage with a house full of children, it's really been a bit of a stretch to figure out who we are without children who require full hands on active parenting. We still have to remind ourselves now and then when we're about to deny ourselves a dinner out or later than usual evening that we can do as we please, there's no one waiting on us to come home.
As well, I've been busy visiting antiques shops and thrift stores with a friend. We've planned a number of day trips over the next few weeks, until summer heats up too much to be comfortable. I so enjoy these excursions both for the company as well as for the opportunity to handle history. I am reminded each time we go into an antique store of how much I love personal histories.
I've got a bazillion ideas of things I'd like to do in my yard, in my home, on my blog. The craft room isn't getting as much of a work out as I'd planned but I've enjoyed the time I've allowed myself. I need to be more consistent with that. I know it's important to feed the creative side of myself but too often get caught up in the all work/no play trap. I have to remind myself more often that play is just as important as sitting quietly, journaling and hard work. Each has their own satisfaction and place in a creative life.
I feel better overall than I've felt in years. I am beginning to feel I can actually do more. I credit the right combination of vitamins and minerals as well as the effects of eating more homemade foods and less additives and preservatives.
So where am I headed?
I have grand plans for my yard. It's going to be a lot of hard work, require some time and financial sacrifices. I just have to remember that as with all things I have to accomplish a little at a time, not all of it at once. I think Granny was just about my age when she was widowed and she began to make her yards truly beautiful. I'm getting some satisfaction this Spring from work I did last Spring. Iris are blooming under the Faith tree, purple and white. I haven't seen the purple or white iris bloom in years so to find that I'd moved some of each under this tree and that they have done well despite Maddie spending the entire past year lying upon them, lol, is nice. I also had my first little bunch of daffodils bloom in that same small area.
I want to do both flower and vegetable gardening as well as landscaping. I think this year I shall concentrate on trying to work on two areas of flower bed. I'd also like to get some tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, squash, cucumbers planted. These are all fairly easily grown plants for container gardening and though we've just loads of land here, I've no way at present to cultivate it.
I have focused more on journaling almost daily. It's a wonderful way to let my mind run free, sort out problems, focus my attentions for the day. I'm really glad that I renewed my committment to this tool.
I'm happy with PennyAnn blog at the moment, but there are lots of features I'd like to bring back to it. I do get caught up in the day to day household things here. I allow myself to be distracted by John and so I've got to work on that. I'm always shocked to see that the week has passed and I've made only two posts when the opportunity was there to make four or five, or seven posts. This is something I want to be more mindful of.
So gardening, crafting, journaling, housework, blogging, marriage, church, family, friends...Balance will be very important, as will rest, but I feel capable of doing it all right now and that is a great place to be in my life.
It definitely is feeling like a new season.
So where am I? I have experienced a great deal of peace after my tangled feelings this past year as God subtracted things from my life. I think it's called 'acceptance'...but it's more than that really. It's an acknowledgement that while He has seen fit to subtract a lot from my life, he's also narrowed my focus. PennyAnn Poundwise isn't just a blog. It's part of my mission. My purpose in writing that blog is to teach others what I've learned over the years, what I'm learning still: how to live frugally and well. How to make the most of what is at hand and make it as beautiful as it can be made.
I see Granny every few weeks. She always knows me but begins to struggle for simple words about 20 minutes into a visit, and by the time I've been with her half an hour she often is delusional and rambling or she gives up in frustration and is mute. The Assisted Living Center is a safe area for her now. She likes the routine and the surety of that routine.
Katie has pretty much cut the apron strings. She is dealing with issues of her own at present and it's been hard for me to not want to fix and repair for her. I'm learning to let go of her, too, to strike that balance of loving her and letting her know I trust her to figure out her own life. I am struggling with the part where I pray and believe in God's best for her life.
I'd been in prayer this past year for pictures of my North Dakota grandchildren. At best we've had some fuzzy cellphone shots which were too unclear to really see the kids. Recently Amie posted some good shots of the children and I printed them off. Oh how they have grown!
John and I are now quite comfortable with each other. We're enjoying this stage of newly found freedom in our lives. Since we started our marriage with a house full of children, it's really been a bit of a stretch to figure out who we are without children who require full hands on active parenting. We still have to remind ourselves now and then when we're about to deny ourselves a dinner out or later than usual evening that we can do as we please, there's no one waiting on us to come home.
As well, I've been busy visiting antiques shops and thrift stores with a friend. We've planned a number of day trips over the next few weeks, until summer heats up too much to be comfortable. I so enjoy these excursions both for the company as well as for the opportunity to handle history. I am reminded each time we go into an antique store of how much I love personal histories.
I've got a bazillion ideas of things I'd like to do in my yard, in my home, on my blog. The craft room isn't getting as much of a work out as I'd planned but I've enjoyed the time I've allowed myself. I need to be more consistent with that. I know it's important to feed the creative side of myself but too often get caught up in the all work/no play trap. I have to remind myself more often that play is just as important as sitting quietly, journaling and hard work. Each has their own satisfaction and place in a creative life.
I feel better overall than I've felt in years. I am beginning to feel I can actually do more. I credit the right combination of vitamins and minerals as well as the effects of eating more homemade foods and less additives and preservatives.
So where am I headed?
I have grand plans for my yard. It's going to be a lot of hard work, require some time and financial sacrifices. I just have to remember that as with all things I have to accomplish a little at a time, not all of it at once. I think Granny was just about my age when she was widowed and she began to make her yards truly beautiful. I'm getting some satisfaction this Spring from work I did last Spring. Iris are blooming under the Faith tree, purple and white. I haven't seen the purple or white iris bloom in years so to find that I'd moved some of each under this tree and that they have done well despite Maddie spending the entire past year lying upon them, lol, is nice. I also had my first little bunch of daffodils bloom in that same small area.
I want to do both flower and vegetable gardening as well as landscaping. I think this year I shall concentrate on trying to work on two areas of flower bed. I'd also like to get some tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, squash, cucumbers planted. These are all fairly easily grown plants for container gardening and though we've just loads of land here, I've no way at present to cultivate it.
I have focused more on journaling almost daily. It's a wonderful way to let my mind run free, sort out problems, focus my attentions for the day. I'm really glad that I renewed my committment to this tool.
I'm happy with PennyAnn blog at the moment, but there are lots of features I'd like to bring back to it. I do get caught up in the day to day household things here. I allow myself to be distracted by John and so I've got to work on that. I'm always shocked to see that the week has passed and I've made only two posts when the opportunity was there to make four or five, or seven posts. This is something I want to be more mindful of.
So gardening, crafting, journaling, housework, blogging, marriage, church, family, friends...Balance will be very important, as will rest, but I feel capable of doing it all right now and that is a great place to be in my life.
It definitely is feeling like a new season.
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