I've been involved in a game of late that has become my own personal little hideaway. As a former compulsive eater, I've found new ways to cope with life's worries and woes and have replaced one obsession with another. Instead of food, I shelter in games. My current favorite is an online game that limits me to 5 1/2 mins of play time. That's not to say I only play the game for 5 1/2 mins but that each game only lasts that long. Typically I play between 3 and 6 games and then I go do something else. Occasionally this means I may play for an hour or two, but I try to reserve those times for end of day when my duties have been completed.
What am I trying to avoid? Of late there are issues at home that I choose not to dwell on overmuch. Not avoidance as in completely denying the situation, but simply as in: "God grant me the serenity" prayer, sort of thing. I'm not in charge of the situations, I can't control them or manipulate them, I can only stand by and watch and hurt and pray. When the noise in my head starts to get too loud, I go to the game and play for a bit. The game requires concentration and skill and I can't think of both the game and the worry at the same moment.
Another issue I'm trying to avoid is Granny. There's a whole tangle of emotions where this is concerned. Each time I get myself steeled to go visit her, Mama has told me how upsetting Granny has found her most recent visit, how difficult it is for her settle down once more to the environment where she is staying. Added to my own fears that Granny will beg me to bring her home once more, there is the concern that I might cause her undue anxiety by denying her what she desires. Even though I know full well in my heart that she cannot be alone any longer.
Then there's the outdoors. Good reason for avoidance as there is pollen everywhere. I went out last night and ended with an achy head and itchy ears and stuffy nose. Went out this morning after the sun had begun to dry the morning dew and have sneezed and endured more itchy, stuffy ears. I need to work at cleaning off my porch and deck. I need to be at work lading that mulch around to the flower beds. I need to go to the bank, take off the trash and run an errand. But all of them involve going outdoors. Not keen on that at all.
Why the tears? I've had my share of tears this morning. I've cried over Granny. I've cried over a situation someone I love is going through. I've cried over my helplessness in this situation. I've cried for the realization that the person I love has no idea of the value of her person, nor how poorly it is being valued at the moment. I've cried for the sheer realization that only the One Who Created Us has any say in the matter. I'm not fearful of His judgement, only pained by the process of getting to the end result He's planned from the beginning of time.
And so finally we come to my goals for April. I don't remember March's goals very well. #1 I got so weary of reading Levitical Law that I stopped picking up my Bible at all last month. I really needed time in His Word, too, but foolishly, I set the Bible aside and didn't touch it all month long. This morning I sat down to read in Matthew of the Passover Supper and the betrayal of my Savior. I realized that I don't have to be so strict with myself. It's okay to admit to being bogged down and to take a break and perhaps go back to it later. So one goal for this month is to daily read the Scriptures, Old or New and to spend time in the Word with Him daily.
#2 Finances are not grim by any means but they are not free flowing either. We've a number of bigger ticket items coming up and I find it necessary to trim corners where I can to allow for the extra room needed in the seat of the budget.
#2a First: A self imposed Pantry/Freezer challenge. I plan to trim my usual grocery budget a little ($50-$100) for the month, #2b but I also plan to use the remaining money in the budget to restock my cabinets and cupboards and freezer. I had the opportunity last pay period to stock up on a few more canned goods. This week I hope to stock up on butter, flour, and other baking products. I also want to get little niceties we haven't had in some time: corn syrup, chocolate chips, a variety of nuts (not too many as I've got pecans too), pastas, rice, yeast, herbs and spices, etc.
#2c Try to keep electric costs down. We're at that portion of the year where pollen =s misery. And where we have cool almost cold mornings (40F) with warm, almost too warm, afternoons (75-80F). Currently we are running a heater in the mornings and AC in the late afternoon/early evening. As much as possible I am trying to keep usage to a minimum.
#2d Trim gasoline costs. Easier said than done, but shall try all the same. I will combine errands whenever possible, avoid those single purpose errands that sometimes occur. K is out of school for the coming week so that will be helpful. I believe we have no Wednesday night service this next week either, so that also will be a help. Mama has planned to go with us on Saturday which means using her car, as she dislikes the build of my car and prefers her own. Another help.
#2e Build up checking account once more. We've had some draining weeks of late. Instead of putting money into savings I plan to let it build in the checking account to boost that balance once more. Any overtime we might possibly get will also do the same.
#3 I am still pretty much soda free and frankly not minding it at all. Currently I'm struggling with the decision to drink regular vs. diet when I do have one (about twice a week at most). I think that for this month I will drink only regular drinks avoiding the artificially sweetened ones. Knowing I am drinking calories will also help me to trim the usage of the soda still further or to look for an alternative instead.
#4 Make strawberry jam. Our local strawberry crops should start coming in by the end of the month. We're already inundated with fresh crops from Florida. I've frozen a few berries and plan to buy more this next pay period to put in the freezer. I want to make up several jars of freezer jam for our personal use. I especially like the freezer jam's fresh taste and have enjoyed making it in the past.
#5 Make the outside of my home as pretty as I can on a limited budget. I plan to buy two hanging baskets and some six packs of annuals to plant in the containers on the front porch. I'd like to plant herbs and tomatoes. I recently bought Heavenly Blue Morning Glory seeds to plant. I'd like to get some sunflower seeds as well. I especially like sunflowers.
#6 I had such success with my feeling better after taking the Vitamin D capsules that I took note of an article in a magazine that suggested for women my age St. John's Wort would be a good supplement to take. Well I qualify for both the age and the other. So I began St. John's Wort three weeks ago but bought only the one bottle. I plan to get more. I can say honestly that overall my mood has improved and yes, it does seem to be showing results. Overall I am less tired, have greater stamina and am feeling far less pain.
I think that's quite enough goals for the moment. I may create a more in depth list as the day goes on, but for now, I think I shall stop to do a bit of housework and then get ready to go into town to do some needed errands.
