Week 36 Day 1 - Inspired to DO

Hello there. I know I've been a long while between posts this go round and I do apologize. You see, I've been busy. Instead of just looking for inspiration I've been busy DO-ing inspiration. And this week I want to look forward to March and the inspirations that I can dream and live all over again.

I managed several goals from last month. I put money into savings...and turned and took it out again to cover two unexpected bills. Sigh. I guess I'm glad I had it to save in the first place, but it does seem a bit pointless when it must come right back out, lol.

I finished the seat cushion I'd put off finishing on the reupholstered chair because I was afraid it was going to be tough. And it was kind of hard at points. I had to lay it down and go away and think about it and come back to it. I didn't have the zipper needed, and I haven't made the time to get to the fabric store to buy one. But I do have it on the cushion and overall it looks very well.

My husband wanted to give a going away dinner for a young friend who was headed to bootcamp. For the past year I've been campaigning to move my dining table into the proper dining room, but my husband had been very resistant. However, the dinner party, small as it was to be, was the final shove in my battle. Unexpectedly, we were to add two more guests. I'd had quite enough of cramming eight grown adults around my dining table which was squeezed into the breakfast area. Even my husband saw that to continue to do so was silliness.

So the dining table got moved to the dining room. To have enough room for all our guests around the table was wonderful. And the table was fully extended with both leaves in place as well. My daughter quickly took charge of hanging my beautiful rooster pictures in the area.

I learned this month also to do power point slides, and to operate both the scan and copy features of my printer. All of that might sound simple enough, but honestly I was unable to figure this printer out. We've had it for well over a year and just to get the persnickety thing to print when asked is difficult enough. This month I managed to conquer the printer. As for the power point slides, I was asked to learn how to do these so that I might help with the music program at church. I was nervous about this, but I found it wasn't nearly so difficult as I feared. Frankly I felt very proud of myself for learning these new skills and for finally accomplishing two major projects in my home.

My 'play date' went very well. I was very nervous. Worried my needlessly about my acquaintance not understanding my physical limitations nor my silly little anxieties. However, she has a chronic illness and understood very well indeed. I had the pleasure of being taken through some beautiful country highways I've never before been on. Lovely old federal farmhouses abounded. I ended up completely enjoying the day.

I took advantage of a buy one get one free offer on Vitamin/Mineral products and got Vitamin D. I've been reading for several months now about the benefits of Vitamin D, when taken in doses as high as 2000mg per day. More and more reports show that it is a common factor in fatigue and pain in women, who seem to be the most deficient in this necessary vitamin. I have found that in just the few weeks I've been taking this supplement I am more energetic and feeling less brain fog than in many months past.

Goals for the coming month of March:

Of course, I want to put money into savings again. I cannot shake the feeling that for all the assurances our economy is improving that I should be taking every single opportunity to save. I've also determined to stick hard to my grocery budget of $450for the month. Last month I managed to save $30, coming in at $420.

I've gotten really bogged down in Exodus and Leviticus this month. I managed to finish both books, but I am not inline with the daily reading schedule at all. I will perservere. I have yet to begin the Names of G-d study I'd intended to do this year. I would like to begin that study this month, but I am finding all Old Testament a bit dry. I need to add Psalms or New Testament to it I think, if I don't begin the study I plan.

We've guests coming in the first part of this month to spend a week. I've been a little anxious about this visit, but in a good way. We will be meeting our youngest grandson for the first time. We're very much looking forward to this time. In fact, this visit is part of the reason why our savings is nonexistent this month. We bought a bed for the baby and an air mattress for his parents. I've borrowed a high chair, bought baby food, picked up baby blankets. I am prayerful the visit will be blessed.

I plan to buy St. Johns Wort which is supposed to help with anxiety, nervousness and help promote a good night of sleep as well. I wake frequently each night and sometimes have trouble falling asleep. I thought I'd try this supplement for a month or two, since the Vitamin D has appeared to be so very beneficial.

I'd like to tackle another UFO project: painting the unpainted cabinet in my bathroom.

I am currently searching the back issues of my Victoria magazines for inspiration. I will report on those inspirations a little later in the week.

Inspirations Gained

I promised last night to share the results of my search for inspiration. A motley assortment to be sure, but that's the way inspiration strikes me. No rhyme nor reason to it.

I used Victoria magazines, all February issues, for this search for inspiration. I have to tell you, I really enjoy the older issues, as predictable as they were. I mean, we KNEW every February it was going to be about roses...however, I found the later issues really offputting when they began putting prices on all the pages. At the time, I was having a hard time financially...To see how high the prices were on the items was really difficult for me. I felt I could never afford those items. Even now, when we're out of debt these items are still, for the most part, out of my reach. However, inspiration knows no price. And sometimes it isn't the cost of an item, it's achieving the same look for next to nothing.

Case in point: a lovely cool green-blue dining room with a beautiful crystal chandelier. The table was the show. It was covered with a simple white cloth, simple white ironstone dishes and deep emerald green crystal glasses. The centerpiece is what is so breathtaking. Two large savoy cabbages, a white ironstone platter with three cantaloupes and two purple plums(?) brown figs(?). Wow! Inspiration born and you know what? I CAN afford this! I have white damask cloth and napkins, deep green glasses (not crystal but mine will work), ironstone plates. I'm inspired to look more closely at the produce in my kitchen. And in the grocery store.

Now honestly, to me, this table has more to do with a summer look than a winter one. However, sometimes it's not a matter of looking only for inspiration for the current season. Sometimes we have to look ahead. Here's another inspiration for summer: Bare floors (this is the only time I regret having carpet), lace curtains, muslin slipcovers. Lace...It's such a feminine fabric isn't it? And for some reason, dotted Swiss came to mind. I'd love to have dotted Swiss at a window, too. Do they even make dotted Swiss any longer?

So that's two inspirations. Here are a few more thoughts/inspirations I got while looking through these wonderful magazines. I won't bore you with every one I came up with (36,by the way) but just try to give you a cross section of the ideas that floated through.

February issues/Valentines: It's a gimme on that too. I had several ideas of things I'd like to do to for my family and friends. Some involved handmade items, some store bought. I often have paper doilies on hand this time of year to use in handmade Valentines or to display treats. Here's an idea I haven't had: Cut out the center of a doily and use the 'lace' to mat a photo or picture...

Food ideas: Lemon/raspberry fillings in a white cake with lemon frosting
Jellies and jams: Apple rosemary, apple cider marmalade, ginger pear butter...would love to make my own 'speciality' jams and jellies. Why not pair apple cider, apple slices and chicken? Tangerine filling in coconut cake. Tangerine syrup over pecan pancakes...

Authors to check out: Susan Minot, Rumer Godden (A House with Four Rooms), Rita Dove (The House that Jill Built), poet Marianne Moore. Was Emma Balfour's civil war diary published?

Artist/Designers to look up: Henri Le Sidaner, Childe Hassan. Claire Murray online? Rose Cumming room designs, old photos online?

Flowers: White roses in grey/taupe vase. White roses in milk glass. Bright primroses planted in pretty china cups (cracked will do fine for this)

Garden plants: Are cyclamens hardy to Zone 8? Snowdrop bulbs. Best for naturalization: Galanthus Nivalus, look for 'Barbara's Double' as well.

Tablesetting: Wintertime Cozy: Tapestry/Challis cloth, warm colored china rimmed in gold, Red pears and nuts in a rusty iron looking bowl (I have something similar I just took out to the shed), horn handled flatware (saw some at the antique store the other day very reasonable)...

And that is how I get inspired. What about you?

Week 33/Day 7 A New Year of Sorts

Today I turned 51. I've had a very easy day of it, truly I have. It's suited me perfectly to rest and read. What am I reading? I am stuck on reading a blog from first post to the most recent. I am enthralled in the life of a girl who has more opportunities and heartaches than the average soul. I am caught up in the drama and trauma of a life not mine. Mind you I am not jealous. I know just why she blogs. I know why I blog. I am almost certain the reasons are the same. Her blog is wildly popular and why not? Her life is like the best/worst of things, a sort of Truman reality show that fascinates.

So why do I blog? Penny Ann was my writing exercise, my opportunity to hone the craft of writing and at the same time to be both a mentor to myself and to others who might not have the same knowledge of frugal homemaking that I've had. Blogging there kept me accountable, put me on my toes frugally speaking.

Blogging here is more about who I am aside from the part of me that is most definitely Penny Ann. The point was to be 'real'. What I've discovered is that in the blogging world, even with few readers, it's best to keep a certain amount of our lives private. The same thing that is true of spoken words is true of the written word. Say what you like, words can hurt and wound and do damage. Even if the forum in which you use them allows you to return and edit out the hurtful things, damage can still be done. I've found that I can't be as real as I'd like. There are things I'd like to say, thoughts I'd like to write out, but simply can't. There are things best left to journals. Secrets best not told anywhere except in confessions between God and I.

There are things I've shared that I sometimes wish I hadn't. I come across whiny and complaining and sounding petty. There are relationships I've written about that I feel disloyal for sharing and yet I share anyway, because I know that it's unlikely anyone in my family will read or report and others that I'd like to write out my angst about but don't dare and I am a little angry that I am imprisoned.

Writing is my solace, my way of letting off steam. I formerly used a journal. And now I think I'll return to that form of writing because frankly blogging isn't sufficient.

I didn't keep a journal until I was 13 years old. I began my journal and writing poetry at the same time. Writing saved me, it truly did. But I was hindered. You see, my parents thought absolutely nothing of invading my privacy and reading my journal. Fine, I understand that parents might do so in order to try and figure out what is going in their child's life, especially at that stage when you're a pre-teen and beginning to separate yourself from childhood. The trouble was that my parents quoted back whole passages of my journal at the dinner table, often in front of guests and harangued me about opinions, thoughts and dreams they thought were rebellious, undesirable or which misrepresented themselves in some way. I learned to get very clever about writing my real thoughts out in poems they couldn't interpret nor comprehend. And I learned to hide my journal in largely inacessible places that took some doing to get into.

When I married I was relieved to finally have my thoughts to myself, or so I thought. It didn't take long to discover that my husband was of my parents ilk. Quoting lines back to me at the dinner table no less. Accusing me of myriad things that he'd determined based on his own thougth processes and interpretation of what I wrote. Back to hiding for me.

It wasn't until after my divorce that I finally felt I could write in complete freedom. By this time however, my life was a shambles. Writing was too painful. Cursory entries only were made. And then I met the love of my life. Too tired from love and baby and children and job to write. I realized that I didn't quite trust this man to allow me the freedom to journal, to have private thoughts.

It took a little while to allow the full flow of my hurts/angers/distrust/resentments/angsts to flow onto the page. It was sooooo cathartic. Sometimes the pages got ugly ugly. Sometimes the pain was so great that I was too horrified by the rawness to read it. My husband proved trustworthy. My private thoughts remained private and secret, but I eventually found it necessary to destroy several years of those journals. There was too much pain, too much hurt and I was too ready to be over it all and move on with my life.

And then there came newsletters and blogs and I finally got a little tired of writing, so that I seldom broke out the journal at all. My current journal might see an entry once a month or six weeks.

This week, reading the messiness of the blogger's life that I've found so enthralling, I've missed my journaling. I've missed the opportunity to be naked on the page, letting it all hang out, reporting the things that thrilled me beyond words, that hurt me beyond measure, thoughts that might be unworthy but which floated through my brain. Sloughing off of little resentments and big. I've missed the opportunity to be myself.

So why did I begin writing here in the first place? Because I wanted pretty much what we all want. I wanted to find out if others felt they way I sometimes do. I wanted to know that I wasn't alone in this world, as a frustrated writer, as a wife, as a daughter, as a woman with sometimes difficult personal relationships, as a dreamer. And you know what? I'm not. There are so many of us out here that it's important to acknowledge we are there for one another. But it's not enough at the same time.

All that to say this. I miss journaling. It's a more personal forum than blogging. And I need it. I need to write poetry once more. I need to return to my writing roots once again. I am not giving up blogging. Not here nor at Penny Ann. I am still inspired. This is just a further inspiration and one that I needed to figure out, which is what happened today on my way through a fellow blogger's ups and downs.

I did get my closet cleared out and organized. Step 2 is figuring out how to make it pretty as well as functional.

If I can get time tomorrow I'll share some of the things that are inspiring me this month, courtesy a stack of old Victoria magazines.