Week 23 Day 4 Working My Way Back to Thankfulness

Well...I've had an odd Thanksgiving. Not the tv variety family day at all, but then I didn't expect that exactly. So why do I feel so let down and a little hurt and very much as though I were all alone?

I wanted this day to be something more. But here we have it. It's Thanksgiving and the day I've had is the day I've had. Which carries me full throttle back to one of my goals for this month: Enjoy myself for the holidays.

I am proud I managed to do two things anyway. Mama not only asked me to bring desserts (pumpkin pie and Red Velvet Cake) she also told me how she wanted me to make them. She'd found a new recipe for a pumpkin pie and insisted I should use it to make 'her' pie as she referred to it. And I did. Because she asked me to. And she wanted Red Velvet Cake Cupcakes. I balked on that only after two things happened: I found I had only 14 cupcake liners...and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I could manage to transport 2 dozen cupcakes with a soft cream cheese frosting (also her request). So with her permission it became a sheet cake.

My husband thought it rather forward of my mom to not only tell me what to bring but how to make it. I've only been making pumpkin pies for 32 years now, after all, and nary a leftover have we ever had. "Never mind", I told him, "after all in the grand scheme of things, is it really important which recipe I use? Or whether it's cupcakes or cake? Not really, no. And for the sake of good feeling, I'll just do as she asked."

It's not about pumpkin pies or any of the other things that felt off about the day, really. It's missing my own family around me, my children and grandchildren, and missing them all and knowing that the likelihood I shall see them anytime in the future altogether in one room is slim at present.

So to right my frame of mind, I've decided to be thankful this day for what the year just past has brought. And that too may seem an odd route to take considering where I've been in the past 12 months.

I am grateful for the opportunity to work my way through forgiveness. It was tough do care for my mom on a daily basis. There's a really good reason why we agreed many years ago that 1/2 a day every two weeks was more than sufficient time together. But it was important to me to let go of some very old heartaches and grievances. And of course, when I'd prayed about it, the opportunity to work through those issues arrived in the form of a broken ankle and 7 days a week of togetherness for 5 months.

I am thankful for the storm that led to the calm. With all the illnesses and financial challenges and issues that arose this year, it seemed very much as though we were being battered at every turn by strong waves and winds and driving rain. But Thank God! He was bringing us through the storm to this time of peace and quiet.

I am thankful for seasons. It truly seems this year as though we've had no real autumn weather. Summer (which was relatively mild this year) and autumn have really just sort of blended in together. It seemed much that way in my life as well going from one trouble to another. But our life season finally changed.

Iam thankful for my home. Home is more about the atmosphere we create than where we actually live, but for me, where I live is part and parcel of home. This land we live on has deep emotional value to me. The happiest memories of my life took place on this property. For many years, I prayed for a home much like the one I now enjoy: solid, open, filled with light, with clear views of sunrise and sunsets.

I am thankful for my husband. I spent years dealing with tough situations on my own. To have someone standing by my side, cheering me on, bolstering me up when I weaken, encouraging me, caring for me, taking care of me...this is something I never want to take for granted.

I am deeply grateful for my faith. I can't name the number of times I've had to swallow back bitterness, disappointment and sorrow. Why do I hold it at bay? Because I've accepted the promise of the Bible that Faith is being sure of the things we hope for will manifest. I refuse to allow one ounce of unbelief to rob me of my future hope. I will stand strong.

And so I end this post. I will likely be back later this weekend with my December goals and inspirations.