I can't believe it's been nearly two weeks since I last wrote! Well that's probably more of how it will be from now until year's end, with the holidays, shopping, appointments, etc. closing in on upon us. And that's okay. I won't let my blogging be a stressor, when I consider it so beneficial. No need to make it an onus.
When I last wrote, I'd had a day of fun amidst some hard work days. Well I was determined I'd have a repeat of that fun day. I think I'm really liking my 'new' schedule of one fun day, one day of rest and five days of work. Of course, fun days usually require some work as well.
So I began on my end of year review. I started by going over last year's goals and was surprised to find I'd actually done very well. I'd say I hit on 75% of my goals for 2009. I also saw that some goals are just mindless repeats. I'm not even beginning to think of them, or working towards them, or even mindful of them. I seemingly just repeat because I think I should do them. Other goals, which I expected to be very difficult were in fact accomplished but not always without divine intervention. Praise God, he's mindful of my desire to change and sometimes helps that along!
Typically I'd read through my journal to find finer points to address in my end of year review but honestly, I've said before, I've had enough of this past year, I don't feel I need to read all about it. So I stepped right into my review of two areas over the past two weeks. My spiritual life and my marriage. I attempted to begin a review of family goals but haven't completed that.
I did work out some goals for the coming year in the first two areas.
My pantry/freezer are officially FULL once more. I have plenty of food in the house at present. And thus far I am not over the 'holiday' budget I allowed myself at all. In fact, I have money left in that budget, and managed to pick up no less than 4 Christmas gifts within the amount spent. I haven't had any real time for shopping as of yet. I don't think that will happen until week 24 at this point but that's okay, too. Better to go alone than attempt to shop with others.
My energy has continued to be high. I've been careful to take real breaks from working to rest, but have also pushed myself fairly hard to get things done. I've very nearly completed all the Fall cleaning in the kitchen (one cupboard and wiping down three walls remains). I've done the odd job or two in other rooms that will eliminate the need to do so very much when I finally can work on those.
I've tried hard to be very relaxed about the Thanksgiving dinner with family. Mama has requested I bring two desserts, and supplied a recipe for one of those. I'm to bring Pumpkin Pie (which I've made for years and really don't need a recipe for, but Mama wants me to try this particular one she's found...I'll do as she asks, because it's just easier.). I'm also to bring Red Velvet Cupcakes. I was going to make the cake from scratch but needed two bottles of red food coloring at $1.99 each...while a Red Velvet Cake Mix was just $1. I opted for the cake mix. I learned long ago that using whole milk and a dash of vanilla and a spoonful or two of flour will change the texture/flavor of a cake mix to something closer to homemade. Besides, cake mixes seldom fail.
So slowly tackling goals for this month. And getting in fun time, as said. This past week my husband changed his schedule and location for practice. I dropped him off and went on to the library (and I'm happy to report that I read every page of four of the five books I'd checked out and started the fifth one after months of being in a dry spell). I selected about six more books this time and currently have three different ones going. I left the library and went to the antiques store and looked over the items in the next row of booths. That was fun and I enjoyed every minute of the hour I allotted myself there. I didn't have that 'treasure ahead' prickle though, so left the store empty handed.
One thing that has changed over the last two weeks, has been my attitude about our new direction spiritually. We've been visiting a synagogue and two churches fairly regularly for the past two months. One church has a fantastic music program and great sermons. But it's huge, as in HUGE. This particular church runs three services which means that you're pretty much run in and run out again. It's very impersonal, too.
The other church has a great music program, a dynamic vision oriented young pastor, is spirit filled, and more the size of what we're used to attending. But...we can't quite decide what we feel. And then there's synagogue, a Messianic Jewish temple, with a Rabbi and a very small congregation (under 10 most Saturdays).
I think the synagogue has required the most change from me of the three. For one thing, Sabbath is from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Service is held on Saturday. We've had to learn new habits, new ways of worshipping. Nothing strange but just different, and boy have my comfort levels been seriously busted! We have a special service here in our home each Friday evening that marks the beginning of Sabbath. There are many things we don't know yet, many things that are new to us, but with each I'm reminded that these are the ways of a faith that my Savior followed. There's a certain feeling of peace, of rightness, of finally feeling I'm properly aligned.
This has been a great surprise to me. I feel a great deal as though for many years, I've been a square peg desperately trying to get into the round hole. And feeling guilty over my not fitting as well. In the last two months, I've begun to experience a vast peace, a contentment, a rest in the Sabbath that I haven't had at any point in my life. At the moment, I'm attending only every other week, but I feel myself being drawn to attend each Saturday, to wonder about what I've missed in the previous week, to miss the other congregants. This is not where I'd pictured myself or what I thought I'd be doing. It isn't anything like what I thought I was praying for, but it is what I've been praying for all along.
I have a great deal to learn, I know this. But for now, this feels like coming home, and that wasn't what I thought I'd find when we began visiting this tiny synagogue.
This week we had an unexpected late afternoon of errands. Due to lack of room in my fridge and freezer we had to deliver smoked Boston Butts friends had bought from our daughter for a school fund raiser. Typically we're morning people when it comes to running errands and such, but this time it wasn't possible. We ended up eating supper out and had the fast food place we'd chosen all to ourselves, not another soul in the restaurant besides the staff. Our daughter was with us and we had the opportunity to have a deep hearted conversation. She'd made a comment the previous weekend that I'd related to her dad that had shown me her heart very clearly. And he, being wise, understood that indeed that comment had been a vision into her heart.
So we talked with her about what she wanted from her future, what was holding her back and where she'd truly like to see herself. There are some major changes ahead in her very near future and while we're all aware that she's young, we're also convinced she is doing the thing that is right for her. She isn't following the norm, she isn't listening to the detractors. When we questioned her, we couldn't argue with her sound reasoning. She's very certain of her course and we can only concede that she go ahead.
My Granny celebrated her 93rd birthday quietly last week. She's had good days and bad ones mentally and that seems to be the norm these days. She's still doing well physically. When I came back from the bus stop Friday morning, I stepped out of my car and stood stock still and listened to her whistling. I knew that she was working in her yard at the time. Granted it was a shorter spell of whistling than she used to do, but I couldn't help but feel shot through with nostalgia, realizing that this too was another moment I must grab up and hold tightly. How many more times will I hear her whistling as she works? And oddly enough, my youngest daughter has recently taken up the habit of whistling as she works on a project. I like that she is linked to her great grandmother by that little habit. I wonder if any of her own grandchildren will whistle as they work? I like those tangible evidences of generations past (or passing) in the newer generations.
All in all, it's been a good two weeks. Hopefully I'll finish out this month with all my goals accomplished. And perhaps I'll be able to get back here before two weeks are up.
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