Some weeks it seems that even while we feel most un-inspired and are bogged down in household duties and work, there's something brewing under the surface, though we may not be aware of it as we wash the dishes and sweep the floors and inventory our freezer and pantry. I forget this too often and this weekend I had two revelations that were astonishing.
As I've worked this week I've been listening to the Inspiration Channel and specifically to Mike Murdoch, whom I shall freely admit, I have consistently changed channels whenever I saw his face. But this week he's been aired on Inspiration about 10 times. I can't seem to get away from him! So I listened. Sometimes, we just need to take the hint and hear what's being taught.
I've had an ongoing skin problem which is mildly unpleasant and in my opinion very unsightly. It's called Pityriasis Versi. I've had it off and on for years, it is recurring and I knwo the 'cure', which is a 2-3 week course of Nizoral tablets. However, I've not had insurance for years on end now and my former family doctor left his practice two years ago, so I've been diddling about on my own power. Last year the outbreak was very mild and I did eventually get a rx thru an ER doc without having to pay for a visit. I was hopeful that would happen this year too, but it hasn't.
I've gone to the altar twice and asked for healing and truly believed that would work as well. But no healing has been forthcoming. In fact, this year, the two times I've gone forward the condition has worsened! I was puzzled about this.
Enter Mike Murdoch and his sermon on Seed Harvest. I listened to his sermon for the fifth time yesterday morning, then went off to color my hair and as I did so I saw the discolored skin and prayed again, asking God this time why He hadn't healed me. "Because you don't trust me," I heard in my spirit.
"Lord! How can you say I don't trust you? I've received healing in the past, I've done all I was asked to do for healing this time. I do fully believe in your power to heal! How can you say I don't trust you?"
"Because you don't trust me to replace the money you'd spend on a doctor's visit. You believe more in the power of the money in your account than in sowing it to a doctor for the needed medication."
I was shocked. And began to weep. Because I knew immediately He was right. I didn't trust Him to replace the money once spent for a doctor visit and rx. I trusted Him to heal me, but I didn't trust His manifest power over my finances. And yet, I know too well that God will provide, He always provides and without fail, and in abundance.
How very often I do go without necessities because I fear once the money is spent, I won't be able to replace it. It isn't that we are wealthy and I am a miser. Nor are we poor and without any resources at all. We've been careful with our money because we have been poor and yet, I look about me in my home and see His provision and fulfillment of His promise to provide. My home is paid for in full, fifteen years earlier than planned, because of His provision. We are debt free (except for our heat pump and that is half paid off in under a year's time). There is no need we've had that hasn't been provided. And yet, when it comes to my health care, I tend to be poor minded, mistrustful.
I will be calling the doctor this week and making an appointment. I will be getting my rx for this skin condition and in future when I need to see a doctor (which is blessedly seldom!) I shall go see one. Not because I don't believe I could be healed without a doctor, but because I do trust in God's ability to provide that which I need.
A second revelation occurred later in the day. My husband and I share our accounts and funds. There is a small amount of money we each get per pay period that is considered our allowance and that money may be spent however we choose. But the money in savings, in the checking account is "Ours". However, I've had a real tendency to think of that money as his only when it comes to tithing. For some reason, on some level, I've disconnected from the "Ours" and considered the money we sow as his. But that isn't at all true! The money we sow as seeds into God's kingdom are just as much mine as they are his.
This is a second area of distrust that was revealed to me. If I had claimed ownership of the money in our accounts as I do of the house and cars we share, then I might have also gone on to the doctor. But I've had this mindset that I didn't have money to go, I had no account on which I could draw. Ridiculousness! Absolute ridiculousness! Never, not at any point, has my husband looked at me and said "Now, this has both our names on it but you know it's really my money, that I earned and you don't touch a single bit more than you need for groceries and gasoline." Never has he said that to me. But in my head, that is the way I dealt with that money. As though I had no right to use a portion of it for my own needs. For years now I've relied on birthday and Christmas gift monies from family and friends to purchase my clothing. If no gifts came, then I went without. Ditto with medical care.
Well it was a wonderfully revelatory day for me and I'm glad of it. Somehow, under all that busyness of the week I had opened up my spirit to discover a few strongholds and knocked them down. Praise God!
Today I shall be home. Normally I would attend church services, but we're down to one car at present and that car is with my husband at work. I want to spend time in a Sabbath mindset today and I can't think of a single better way than as I started this morning at dawn, listening to a symphony of birds twittering and chirping and calling, to a woodpecker knocking on a tree trunk, turkeys gobbling, rooster crowing and mourning doves boo-hoo-ing while cool damp air rose around me in soft mists painted a translucent gold by the rising sun.
This is not a day for housework as normal. It is a day to sit and reflect and read my Bible and listen to my favorite praise songs via YouTube and to spend time in the quiet morning air praying and listening. This is important. This time will set the tone for the week ahead. It will be the time that builds the necessary strength to go through the week ahead, the time that will open my heart and mind to hear more of the revelations I need to hear in order to grow and move ahead and create and breathe in the Inspired Life I long to manifest in my living.
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