Sidelined

I had great plans today. Lots of duty and some pleasure thrown in to balance it. But it didn't turn out that way. It hasn't been that way at all. Today I got sidelined.

The day started with me waking from a very deep, hard sleep to the ringing alarm. I normally don't wait for the alarm to go off to rise. This morning, it was hard to crawl out of bed and go about my duty. I promised my husband I'd go back to bed after he left and I did. But I never went back to sleep. I lay in bed in that in between zone, aware of everything going on around me but too weary to open my eyes or move. I gave up at 8am and went to the kitchen for coffee. I haven't felt this blah and not been sick in a long while. I piddled about doing light housework, trying to work on a PennyAnn blog post and felt the tiny headache grow into a massive, can't think, oh my head, oh my aching head, someone shoot me please, migraine.

I soldiered on for three or four hours, but finally gave in. I was being sidelined and nothing I'd planned to do was going to get done anyway, because any amount of effort just made my head ache that much more. I took meds, a heat compress and crawled into my bed to wait out the end.

About 3:30 it was so much better! Too late to start any big projects, but still early enough to do something. So I pulled out my coupons and began sorting and clipping and organizing them for the coming month. This may sound silly to some, but I enjoy working with my coupons. I flipped the television over to "How Do I Look?" on Style channel and watched an episode that made me want to spank the girl good and hard and sit her down in a corner after, and then a second episode that gave me an OMGracious! moment.

This second young woman talked about her parent's substance addiction. When Finola asked "What about family members? Were there any you could count on?", the girl's reply floored me. "No. My parents cut us off from other family members. They didn't want anyone to know about their substance abuse and so we were alone with them in it..."

Hello? Uhm, I know this. I mean I truly do know this pattern. I lived it and incidentally I'm watching it happen all over again with one of my family members. I just forgot what I knew if you see what I mean. I was so caught up in my hurt and frustration in dealing with this family member that I've failed to see the forest for the tree of hurt in front of me. And it breaks my heart that people I love dearly are being kept away from us because of it. And there is nothing, nothing I can do about it, except pray and pray and pray. And do what I've meant to do all along. Start a journal meant for each of these children with the hopes that at some point in their future I can give it to them and let them see for themselves how often I've thought of each of them, loved them, longed for them.

On a lighter note: I did a bit of craftwork yesterday. I am very pleased with three of the four items I made. The fourth, well, it's okay, but not the effect I was after. Still, I got another long postponed craft idea out of my head and made it a reality. The first shot is of the space above my stove where I put the plates. It's an awkward space, far too narrow in width and depth to hold anything much. I am satisfied for now, but would really like to try again and make something different than the two black plates. One day I will learn how to work blogger to suit me, but in the meantime, pictures are at the start of the post, sigh.