Hello there. I know I've been a long while between posts this go round and I do apologize. You see, I've been busy. Instead of just looking for inspiration I've been busy DO-ing inspiration. And this week I want to look forward to March and the inspirations that I can dream and live all over again.
I managed several goals from last month. I put money into savings...and turned and took it out again to cover two unexpected bills. Sigh. I guess I'm glad I had it to save in the first place, but it does seem a bit pointless when it must come right back out, lol.
I finished the seat cushion I'd put off finishing on the reupholstered chair because I was afraid it was going to be tough. And it was kind of hard at points. I had to lay it down and go away and think about it and come back to it. I didn't have the zipper needed, and I haven't made the time to get to the fabric store to buy one. But I do have it on the cushion and overall it looks very well.
My husband wanted to give a going away dinner for a young friend who was headed to bootcamp. For the past year I've been campaigning to move my dining table into the proper dining room, but my husband had been very resistant. However, the dinner party, small as it was to be, was the final shove in my battle. Unexpectedly, we were to add two more guests. I'd had quite enough of cramming eight grown adults around my dining table which was squeezed into the breakfast area. Even my husband saw that to continue to do so was silliness.
So the dining table got moved to the dining room. To have enough room for all our guests around the table was wonderful. And the table was fully extended with both leaves in place as well. My daughter quickly took charge of hanging my beautiful rooster pictures in the area.
I learned this month also to do power point slides, and to operate both the scan and copy features of my printer. All of that might sound simple enough, but honestly I was unable to figure this printer out. We've had it for well over a year and just to get the persnickety thing to print when asked is difficult enough. This month I managed to conquer the printer. As for the power point slides, I was asked to learn how to do these so that I might help with the music program at church. I was nervous about this, but I found it wasn't nearly so difficult as I feared. Frankly I felt very proud of myself for learning these new skills and for finally accomplishing two major projects in my home.
My 'play date' went very well. I was very nervous. Worried my needlessly about my acquaintance not understanding my physical limitations nor my silly little anxieties. However, she has a chronic illness and understood very well indeed. I had the pleasure of being taken through some beautiful country highways I've never before been on. Lovely old federal farmhouses abounded. I ended up completely enjoying the day.
I took advantage of a buy one get one free offer on Vitamin/Mineral products and got Vitamin D. I've been reading for several months now about the benefits of Vitamin D, when taken in doses as high as 2000mg per day. More and more reports show that it is a common factor in fatigue and pain in women, who seem to be the most deficient in this necessary vitamin. I have found that in just the few weeks I've been taking this supplement I am more energetic and feeling less brain fog than in many months past.
Goals for the coming month of March:
Of course, I want to put money into savings again. I cannot shake the feeling that for all the assurances our economy is improving that I should be taking every single opportunity to save. I've also determined to stick hard to my grocery budget of $450for the month. Last month I managed to save $30, coming in at $420.
I've gotten really bogged down in Exodus and Leviticus this month. I managed to finish both books, but I am not inline with the daily reading schedule at all. I will perservere. I have yet to begin the Names of G-d study I'd intended to do this year. I would like to begin that study this month, but I am finding all Old Testament a bit dry. I need to add Psalms or New Testament to it I think, if I don't begin the study I plan.
We've guests coming in the first part of this month to spend a week. I've been a little anxious about this visit, but in a good way. We will be meeting our youngest grandson for the first time. We're very much looking forward to this time. In fact, this visit is part of the reason why our savings is nonexistent this month. We bought a bed for the baby and an air mattress for his parents. I've borrowed a high chair, bought baby food, picked up baby blankets. I am prayerful the visit will be blessed.
I plan to buy St. Johns Wort which is supposed to help with anxiety, nervousness and help promote a good night of sleep as well. I wake frequently each night and sometimes have trouble falling asleep. I thought I'd try this supplement for a month or two, since the Vitamin D has appeared to be so very beneficial.
I'd like to tackle another UFO project: painting the unpainted cabinet in my bathroom.
I am currently searching the back issues of my Victoria magazines for inspiration. I will report on those inspirations a little later in the week.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Inspirations Gained
I promised last night to share the results of my search for inspiration. A motley assortment to be sure, but that's the way inspiration strikes me. No rhyme nor reason to it.
I used Victoria magazines, all February issues, for this search for inspiration. I have to tell you, I really enjoy the older issues, as predictable as they were. I mean, we KNEW every February it was going to be about roses...however, I found the later issues really offputting when they began putting prices on all the pages. At the time, I was having a hard time financially...To see how high the prices were on the items was really difficult for me. I felt I could never afford those items. Even now, when we're out of debt these items are still, for the most part, out of my reach. However, inspiration knows no price. And sometimes it isn't the cost of an item, it's achieving the same look for next to nothing.
Case in point: a lovely cool green-blue dining room with a beautiful crystal chandelier. The table was the show. It was covered with a simple white cloth, simple white ironstone dishes and deep emerald green crystal glasses. The centerpiece is what is so breathtaking. Two large savoy cabbages, a white ironstone platter with three cantaloupes and two purple plums(?) brown figs(?). Wow! Inspiration born and you know what? I CAN afford this! I have white damask cloth and napkins, deep green glasses (not crystal but mine will work), ironstone plates. I'm inspired to look more closely at the produce in my kitchen. And in the grocery store.
Now honestly, to me, this table has more to do with a summer look than a winter one. However, sometimes it's not a matter of looking only for inspiration for the current season. Sometimes we have to look ahead. Here's another inspiration for summer: Bare floors (this is the only time I regret having carpet), lace curtains, muslin slipcovers. Lace...It's such a feminine fabric isn't it? And for some reason, dotted Swiss came to mind. I'd love to have dotted Swiss at a window, too. Do they even make dotted Swiss any longer?
So that's two inspirations. Here are a few more thoughts/inspirations I got while looking through these wonderful magazines. I won't bore you with every one I came up with (36,by the way) but just try to give you a cross section of the ideas that floated through.
February issues/Valentines: It's a gimme on that too. I had several ideas of things I'd like to do to for my family and friends. Some involved handmade items, some store bought. I often have paper doilies on hand this time of year to use in handmade Valentines or to display treats. Here's an idea I haven't had: Cut out the center of a doily and use the 'lace' to mat a photo or picture...
Food ideas: Lemon/raspberry fillings in a white cake with lemon frosting
Jellies and jams: Apple rosemary, apple cider marmalade, ginger pear butter...would love to make my own 'speciality' jams and jellies. Why not pair apple cider, apple slices and chicken? Tangerine filling in coconut cake. Tangerine syrup over pecan pancakes...
Authors to check out: Susan Minot, Rumer Godden (A House with Four Rooms), Rita Dove (The House that Jill Built), poet Marianne Moore. Was Emma Balfour's civil war diary published?
Artist/Designers to look up: Henri Le Sidaner, Childe Hassan. Claire Murray online? Rose Cumming room designs, old photos online?
Flowers: White roses in grey/taupe vase. White roses in milk glass. Bright primroses planted in pretty china cups (cracked will do fine for this)
Garden plants: Are cyclamens hardy to Zone 8? Snowdrop bulbs. Best for naturalization: Galanthus Nivalus, look for 'Barbara's Double' as well.
Tablesetting: Wintertime Cozy: Tapestry/Challis cloth, warm colored china rimmed in gold, Red pears and nuts in a rusty iron looking bowl (I have something similar I just took out to the shed), horn handled flatware (saw some at the antique store the other day very reasonable)...
And that is how I get inspired. What about you?
I used Victoria magazines, all February issues, for this search for inspiration. I have to tell you, I really enjoy the older issues, as predictable as they were. I mean, we KNEW every February it was going to be about roses...however, I found the later issues really offputting when they began putting prices on all the pages. At the time, I was having a hard time financially...To see how high the prices were on the items was really difficult for me. I felt I could never afford those items. Even now, when we're out of debt these items are still, for the most part, out of my reach. However, inspiration knows no price. And sometimes it isn't the cost of an item, it's achieving the same look for next to nothing.
Case in point: a lovely cool green-blue dining room with a beautiful crystal chandelier. The table was the show. It was covered with a simple white cloth, simple white ironstone dishes and deep emerald green crystal glasses. The centerpiece is what is so breathtaking. Two large savoy cabbages, a white ironstone platter with three cantaloupes and two purple plums(?) brown figs(?). Wow! Inspiration born and you know what? I CAN afford this! I have white damask cloth and napkins, deep green glasses (not crystal but mine will work), ironstone plates. I'm inspired to look more closely at the produce in my kitchen. And in the grocery store.
Now honestly, to me, this table has more to do with a summer look than a winter one. However, sometimes it's not a matter of looking only for inspiration for the current season. Sometimes we have to look ahead. Here's another inspiration for summer: Bare floors (this is the only time I regret having carpet), lace curtains, muslin slipcovers. Lace...It's such a feminine fabric isn't it? And for some reason, dotted Swiss came to mind. I'd love to have dotted Swiss at a window, too. Do they even make dotted Swiss any longer?
So that's two inspirations. Here are a few more thoughts/inspirations I got while looking through these wonderful magazines. I won't bore you with every one I came up with (36,by the way) but just try to give you a cross section of the ideas that floated through.
February issues/Valentines: It's a gimme on that too. I had several ideas of things I'd like to do to for my family and friends. Some involved handmade items, some store bought. I often have paper doilies on hand this time of year to use in handmade Valentines or to display treats. Here's an idea I haven't had: Cut out the center of a doily and use the 'lace' to mat a photo or picture...
Food ideas: Lemon/raspberry fillings in a white cake with lemon frosting
Jellies and jams: Apple rosemary, apple cider marmalade, ginger pear butter...would love to make my own 'speciality' jams and jellies. Why not pair apple cider, apple slices and chicken? Tangerine filling in coconut cake. Tangerine syrup over pecan pancakes...
Authors to check out: Susan Minot, Rumer Godden (A House with Four Rooms), Rita Dove (The House that Jill Built), poet Marianne Moore. Was Emma Balfour's civil war diary published?
Artist/Designers to look up: Henri Le Sidaner, Childe Hassan. Claire Murray online? Rose Cumming room designs, old photos online?
Flowers: White roses in grey/taupe vase. White roses in milk glass. Bright primroses planted in pretty china cups (cracked will do fine for this)
Garden plants: Are cyclamens hardy to Zone 8? Snowdrop bulbs. Best for naturalization: Galanthus Nivalus, look for 'Barbara's Double' as well.
Tablesetting: Wintertime Cozy: Tapestry/Challis cloth, warm colored china rimmed in gold, Red pears and nuts in a rusty iron looking bowl (I have something similar I just took out to the shed), horn handled flatware (saw some at the antique store the other day very reasonable)...
And that is how I get inspired. What about you?
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Week 33/Day 7 A New Year of Sorts
Today I turned 51. I've had a very easy day of it, truly I have. It's suited me perfectly to rest and read. What am I reading? I am stuck on reading a blog from first post to the most recent. I am enthralled in the life of a girl who has more opportunities and heartaches than the average soul. I am caught up in the drama and trauma of a life not mine. Mind you I am not jealous. I know just why she blogs. I know why I blog. I am almost certain the reasons are the same. Her blog is wildly popular and why not? Her life is like the best/worst of things, a sort of Truman reality show that fascinates.
So why do I blog? Penny Ann was my writing exercise, my opportunity to hone the craft of writing and at the same time to be both a mentor to myself and to others who might not have the same knowledge of frugal homemaking that I've had. Blogging there kept me accountable, put me on my toes frugally speaking.
Blogging here is more about who I am aside from the part of me that is most definitely Penny Ann. The point was to be 'real'. What I've discovered is that in the blogging world, even with few readers, it's best to keep a certain amount of our lives private. The same thing that is true of spoken words is true of the written word. Say what you like, words can hurt and wound and do damage. Even if the forum in which you use them allows you to return and edit out the hurtful things, damage can still be done. I've found that I can't be as real as I'd like. There are things I'd like to say, thoughts I'd like to write out, but simply can't. There are things best left to journals. Secrets best not told anywhere except in confessions between God and I.
There are things I've shared that I sometimes wish I hadn't. I come across whiny and complaining and sounding petty. There are relationships I've written about that I feel disloyal for sharing and yet I share anyway, because I know that it's unlikely anyone in my family will read or report and others that I'd like to write out my angst about but don't dare and I am a little angry that I am imprisoned.
Writing is my solace, my way of letting off steam. I formerly used a journal. And now I think I'll return to that form of writing because frankly blogging isn't sufficient.
I didn't keep a journal until I was 13 years old. I began my journal and writing poetry at the same time. Writing saved me, it truly did. But I was hindered. You see, my parents thought absolutely nothing of invading my privacy and reading my journal. Fine, I understand that parents might do so in order to try and figure out what is going in their child's life, especially at that stage when you're a pre-teen and beginning to separate yourself from childhood. The trouble was that my parents quoted back whole passages of my journal at the dinner table, often in front of guests and harangued me about opinions, thoughts and dreams they thought were rebellious, undesirable or which misrepresented themselves in some way. I learned to get very clever about writing my real thoughts out in poems they couldn't interpret nor comprehend. And I learned to hide my journal in largely inacessible places that took some doing to get into.
When I married I was relieved to finally have my thoughts to myself, or so I thought. It didn't take long to discover that my husband was of my parents ilk. Quoting lines back to me at the dinner table no less. Accusing me of myriad things that he'd determined based on his own thougth processes and interpretation of what I wrote. Back to hiding for me.
It wasn't until after my divorce that I finally felt I could write in complete freedom. By this time however, my life was a shambles. Writing was too painful. Cursory entries only were made. And then I met the love of my life. Too tired from love and baby and children and job to write. I realized that I didn't quite trust this man to allow me the freedom to journal, to have private thoughts.
It took a little while to allow the full flow of my hurts/angers/distrust/resentments/angsts to flow onto the page. It was sooooo cathartic. Sometimes the pages got ugly ugly. Sometimes the pain was so great that I was too horrified by the rawness to read it. My husband proved trustworthy. My private thoughts remained private and secret, but I eventually found it necessary to destroy several years of those journals. There was too much pain, too much hurt and I was too ready to be over it all and move on with my life.
And then there came newsletters and blogs and I finally got a little tired of writing, so that I seldom broke out the journal at all. My current journal might see an entry once a month or six weeks.
This week, reading the messiness of the blogger's life that I've found so enthralling, I've missed my journaling. I've missed the opportunity to be naked on the page, letting it all hang out, reporting the things that thrilled me beyond words, that hurt me beyond measure, thoughts that might be unworthy but which floated through my brain. Sloughing off of little resentments and big. I've missed the opportunity to be myself.
So why did I begin writing here in the first place? Because I wanted pretty much what we all want. I wanted to find out if others felt they way I sometimes do. I wanted to know that I wasn't alone in this world, as a frustrated writer, as a wife, as a daughter, as a woman with sometimes difficult personal relationships, as a dreamer. And you know what? I'm not. There are so many of us out here that it's important to acknowledge we are there for one another. But it's not enough at the same time.
All that to say this. I miss journaling. It's a more personal forum than blogging. And I need it. I need to write poetry once more. I need to return to my writing roots once again. I am not giving up blogging. Not here nor at Penny Ann. I am still inspired. This is just a further inspiration and one that I needed to figure out, which is what happened today on my way through a fellow blogger's ups and downs.
I did get my closet cleared out and organized. Step 2 is figuring out how to make it pretty as well as functional.
If I can get time tomorrow I'll share some of the things that are inspiring me this month, courtesy a stack of old Victoria magazines.
So why do I blog? Penny Ann was my writing exercise, my opportunity to hone the craft of writing and at the same time to be both a mentor to myself and to others who might not have the same knowledge of frugal homemaking that I've had. Blogging there kept me accountable, put me on my toes frugally speaking.
Blogging here is more about who I am aside from the part of me that is most definitely Penny Ann. The point was to be 'real'. What I've discovered is that in the blogging world, even with few readers, it's best to keep a certain amount of our lives private. The same thing that is true of spoken words is true of the written word. Say what you like, words can hurt and wound and do damage. Even if the forum in which you use them allows you to return and edit out the hurtful things, damage can still be done. I've found that I can't be as real as I'd like. There are things I'd like to say, thoughts I'd like to write out, but simply can't. There are things best left to journals. Secrets best not told anywhere except in confessions between God and I.
There are things I've shared that I sometimes wish I hadn't. I come across whiny and complaining and sounding petty. There are relationships I've written about that I feel disloyal for sharing and yet I share anyway, because I know that it's unlikely anyone in my family will read or report and others that I'd like to write out my angst about but don't dare and I am a little angry that I am imprisoned.
Writing is my solace, my way of letting off steam. I formerly used a journal. And now I think I'll return to that form of writing because frankly blogging isn't sufficient.
I didn't keep a journal until I was 13 years old. I began my journal and writing poetry at the same time. Writing saved me, it truly did. But I was hindered. You see, my parents thought absolutely nothing of invading my privacy and reading my journal. Fine, I understand that parents might do so in order to try and figure out what is going in their child's life, especially at that stage when you're a pre-teen and beginning to separate yourself from childhood. The trouble was that my parents quoted back whole passages of my journal at the dinner table, often in front of guests and harangued me about opinions, thoughts and dreams they thought were rebellious, undesirable or which misrepresented themselves in some way. I learned to get very clever about writing my real thoughts out in poems they couldn't interpret nor comprehend. And I learned to hide my journal in largely inacessible places that took some doing to get into.
When I married I was relieved to finally have my thoughts to myself, or so I thought. It didn't take long to discover that my husband was of my parents ilk. Quoting lines back to me at the dinner table no less. Accusing me of myriad things that he'd determined based on his own thougth processes and interpretation of what I wrote. Back to hiding for me.
It wasn't until after my divorce that I finally felt I could write in complete freedom. By this time however, my life was a shambles. Writing was too painful. Cursory entries only were made. And then I met the love of my life. Too tired from love and baby and children and job to write. I realized that I didn't quite trust this man to allow me the freedom to journal, to have private thoughts.
It took a little while to allow the full flow of my hurts/angers/distrust/resentments/angsts to flow onto the page. It was sooooo cathartic. Sometimes the pages got ugly ugly. Sometimes the pain was so great that I was too horrified by the rawness to read it. My husband proved trustworthy. My private thoughts remained private and secret, but I eventually found it necessary to destroy several years of those journals. There was too much pain, too much hurt and I was too ready to be over it all and move on with my life.
And then there came newsletters and blogs and I finally got a little tired of writing, so that I seldom broke out the journal at all. My current journal might see an entry once a month or six weeks.
This week, reading the messiness of the blogger's life that I've found so enthralling, I've missed my journaling. I've missed the opportunity to be naked on the page, letting it all hang out, reporting the things that thrilled me beyond words, that hurt me beyond measure, thoughts that might be unworthy but which floated through my brain. Sloughing off of little resentments and big. I've missed the opportunity to be myself.
So why did I begin writing here in the first place? Because I wanted pretty much what we all want. I wanted to find out if others felt they way I sometimes do. I wanted to know that I wasn't alone in this world, as a frustrated writer, as a wife, as a daughter, as a woman with sometimes difficult personal relationships, as a dreamer. And you know what? I'm not. There are so many of us out here that it's important to acknowledge we are there for one another. But it's not enough at the same time.
All that to say this. I miss journaling. It's a more personal forum than blogging. And I need it. I need to write poetry once more. I need to return to my writing roots once again. I am not giving up blogging. Not here nor at Penny Ann. I am still inspired. This is just a further inspiration and one that I needed to figure out, which is what happened today on my way through a fellow blogger's ups and downs.
I did get my closet cleared out and organized. Step 2 is figuring out how to make it pretty as well as functional.
If I can get time tomorrow I'll share some of the things that are inspiring me this month, courtesy a stack of old Victoria magazines.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Week what? Day Huh? Lost in a Fog and February Goals
It's not that I've chosen to stop living inspired. It's not even that I want to quit on this project after all this time. I've just been lost in a fog of sorts. It's partly a winter thing. When it's sunny and beautiful I am busy busy busy making hay while the sun shines as the old saying goes. When it's cloudy and grey (all too often these days), I am struggling.
I did do one project, finally. I redid the top of the three bookcases that form a unit across one wall of the main living area. I love it. I think it looks great. I'm happy with the color choices and the cost which was very reasonable, spread out over time as it was. I have said before, when it comes to creating a look in my home, I am very very patient. It took me about 9 months to gather all the items.
I managed another creative project: getting my home keeping notebook dividers made. I didn't fashion them from cardstock and scrapbookpaper as planned. Instead I found some cute, cute, cute!, file folders which were just the thing when cut right down the seam to make two dividers. I am very happy with how the project turned out.
I pushed myself once more to do a Big Shop. I did it more as a matter of wanting to take advantage of the major sales ongoing after taking part in a Pantry Freezer challenge for January. And yes, it brought home all over again how wearing it is to put so much time and effort and caused so much physical pain.
Mama and Granny are doing well together. Mama has more peace I think than she has had in many months. However, she continues to postpone calling the many resources for help that she was told by the Alzheimer's Support Group to call. I've held firm on my resolve not to get involved or to try and force the issues.
Now that January is over, I feel very happy with the work done over the past month. The chronological Bible reading is well under way and I hope this month to begin the study of the Names of God that I'd meant to do as well.
I also managed my finances very well. With the pantry/freezer challenge I joined I did manage to stay within budget. I had enough money extra to cover my daughter's special dietary needs after her oral surgery. I was pleased I didn't have to spend extra. The money for my Christmas savings is in the bank. I saved $60 for the month. I also managed to stay enough within our budget to put a nice chunk of money into savings, a feat of which I am particularly proud.
Housekeeping plans never really took off. I have all sorts of want to dos where deep cleaning is concerned but keeping up with the usual housework seems to be all I can manage. I am hoping this month to do better on that end. If I pace myself, I am sure I can manage it.
Other goals for February are to tackle another UFO project. I am thinking this month it will be my closet. I really want to get this done, because I had a vision of how it might look when I began it months ago. I want the closet to be neat and pretty and well organized.
I've spent the weekend looking through old Victoria and Martha Stewart Living magazines. My desire was to gain inspiration for the month ahead. Last night I had two sheets of paper filled with ideas for decorating, Valentine's ideas, recipes, menus and more. Even an advertisement can be inspiring if I look closely at the ads and determine what it is that captures my attention. I plan to continue with this all through the next week or so.
I've tentatively planned a 'play date' with a new friend to go antiquing later this month. I'll be saving my weekly allowance towards that trip and if for some reason it falls through, no harm, because next month there is an annual miles long yard sale, Peaches to Beaches that I plan to drive through for a bit.
I've grown so accustomed to being alone and keeping my life so firmly in a self-prescribed rut that I admit I feel a bit anxious thinking of going off for the day with someone I don't know well at the moment. But I feel very much it's time for me to begin to be independent. It's all part of my desire to be stronger, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
This week also saw the completion of a 21day fast that my husband and I both took part in. I chose to give up coffee and Coke Zero. I allowed myself 1 cup of coffee each morning and only one. I can't tell you it was easy, it was hard. I didn't have a specific prayer focus. I did it only because I wanted to give up something for my God and Savior. I felt guilty for a good bit of this fast. Not becasue I didn't stop wanting coffee, but because others I knew had specific focuses for the fast. I finally realized this past Wednesday night that it didn't matter that I didn't have a specific focus. My focus had been that I wanted to show my love to God. That was enough.
I look forward to February 1.
Week 33, Day 1
I did do one project, finally. I redid the top of the three bookcases that form a unit across one wall of the main living area. I love it. I think it looks great. I'm happy with the color choices and the cost which was very reasonable, spread out over time as it was. I have said before, when it comes to creating a look in my home, I am very very patient. It took me about 9 months to gather all the items.
I managed another creative project: getting my home keeping notebook dividers made. I didn't fashion them from cardstock and scrapbookpaper as planned. Instead I found some cute, cute, cute!, file folders which were just the thing when cut right down the seam to make two dividers. I am very happy with how the project turned out.
I pushed myself once more to do a Big Shop. I did it more as a matter of wanting to take advantage of the major sales ongoing after taking part in a Pantry Freezer challenge for January. And yes, it brought home all over again how wearing it is to put so much time and effort and caused so much physical pain.
Mama and Granny are doing well together. Mama has more peace I think than she has had in many months. However, she continues to postpone calling the many resources for help that she was told by the Alzheimer's Support Group to call. I've held firm on my resolve not to get involved or to try and force the issues.
Now that January is over, I feel very happy with the work done over the past month. The chronological Bible reading is well under way and I hope this month to begin the study of the Names of God that I'd meant to do as well.
I also managed my finances very well. With the pantry/freezer challenge I joined I did manage to stay within budget. I had enough money extra to cover my daughter's special dietary needs after her oral surgery. I was pleased I didn't have to spend extra. The money for my Christmas savings is in the bank. I saved $60 for the month. I also managed to stay enough within our budget to put a nice chunk of money into savings, a feat of which I am particularly proud.
Housekeeping plans never really took off. I have all sorts of want to dos where deep cleaning is concerned but keeping up with the usual housework seems to be all I can manage. I am hoping this month to do better on that end. If I pace myself, I am sure I can manage it.
Other goals for February are to tackle another UFO project. I am thinking this month it will be my closet. I really want to get this done, because I had a vision of how it might look when I began it months ago. I want the closet to be neat and pretty and well organized.
I've spent the weekend looking through old Victoria and Martha Stewart Living magazines. My desire was to gain inspiration for the month ahead. Last night I had two sheets of paper filled with ideas for decorating, Valentine's ideas, recipes, menus and more. Even an advertisement can be inspiring if I look closely at the ads and determine what it is that captures my attention. I plan to continue with this all through the next week or so.
I've tentatively planned a 'play date' with a new friend to go antiquing later this month. I'll be saving my weekly allowance towards that trip and if for some reason it falls through, no harm, because next month there is an annual miles long yard sale, Peaches to Beaches that I plan to drive through for a bit.
I've grown so accustomed to being alone and keeping my life so firmly in a self-prescribed rut that I admit I feel a bit anxious thinking of going off for the day with someone I don't know well at the moment. But I feel very much it's time for me to begin to be independent. It's all part of my desire to be stronger, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
This week also saw the completion of a 21day fast that my husband and I both took part in. I chose to give up coffee and Coke Zero. I allowed myself 1 cup of coffee each morning and only one. I can't tell you it was easy, it was hard. I didn't have a specific prayer focus. I did it only because I wanted to give up something for my God and Savior. I felt guilty for a good bit of this fast. Not becasue I didn't stop wanting coffee, but because others I knew had specific focuses for the fast. I finally realized this past Wednesday night that it didn't matter that I didn't have a specific focus. My focus had been that I wanted to show my love to God. That was enough.
I look forward to February 1.
Week 33, Day 1
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Week 30, Day 4 Oh Life, Your Bite Hurts!
I had great plans for the first of this year. Great plans to accomplish more creatively, homemaking wise, writing wise and personally. What have I done? Nada. Nothing. Zilch. And yet the truth is I've been very busy! I've read three or four books, dreamed a good many dreams, shopped towards some of the end result of the dreaming, come to a few realizations and lived the day to day life I normally lead as a wife and mother.
I've had this vision since last summer of my bathroom in a pale green, with cream cabinetry and black accents. So I bought towels and cream paint and wonderful rugs that look like woven straw to match the new ideal. I still have money enough to buy the green paint. As it happened a few days after I'd bought the paint I saw the very color plan used on a decorating program. I was so pleased with how it all looked that I am glad I didn't listen to any outside influences. The room on television was beautiful. So will be my bathroom.
Another errand on my list that day was to buy new shoes. I bought two pairs. One was a casual pair of Sketcher knock offs. The other pair of shoes were dressy, beautiful, feminine, dreamy... Note the last descriptive word: dreamy. Those shoes were everything I dream of wearing. Trouble is that my dream and my reality are worlds and worlds apart. I could barely walk after my half day of shopping, my feet were so painful. I didn't sleep at all that night. It was with great sorrow that the next day I realized my beautiful new shoes would have to be returned. I've come a long way over the past 18 years since I injured my ankles and knees but not far enough.
On Wednesday I went out with Mama to shop. I was shocked at two realizations that day. She came very near a minor accident all because she stubbornly refused to slow down, even though the lane she was driving in was CLOSED with those big orange barrels they use...Later in the day as I watched her negotiate a parking lot I realized that the problem is her vision, her depth perception appears to be seriously compromised. I am very reluctant at this point to ride with her unless I am driving. I foresee the necessity of her giving up driving on her own in the near future.
After Tuesday and Wednesday, I spent Thursday and Friday recovering from two days of excess activity. Reality bite number three: I cannot shop and clean house in the same day. That's fact.
Here again, I bump against my own concept of who I want to be and who I AM. Apparently I do a very good job of disguising my lacks because my mom doesn't see them at all. My husband on the other hand does see the toll it takes on me to continually physically push myself. He is constantly after me to rest, to slow down, to not overdo.
I had breakfast with Granny Thursday and Friday and all was well. In fact, Friday morning she was so much better, looking rested, even going so far as to say that she thought things were going to quiet down for awhile. The calm before the storm I guess.
When I arrived on Monday morning I found Granny only partially dressed. It took a great deal of encouragement to get her to even consider putting on clothes. She had on shoes, socks, two shirts. No panties or pants. Her hair was uncombed. I found clothing for her and encouraged her to dress while I turned up the heaters to warm the house, made sure coffee water was hot and ready for a warming cup and set the table for breakfast. Granny called out that she was having trouble. Indeed she was.
I had to help her dress. She told me later that she had fallen in her bedroom and had hurt her knee. Her knee was swollen and obviously stiff. She said she'd laid in the floor for a while until she got herself up. And she hadn't told Mama about it. I found the morning disturbing enough that I came home and tried to alternately work off my concerns in housework or to hide in a book. There was something very basic bothering me and I couldn't put my finger on just what though I reviewed the data over and over again.
The next morning when I arrived I found her in the same basic state of undress and obvious confusion. She didn't bother to even try and dress, nor to turn up the heaters but dived directly into eating breakfast. That's when I knew why I was so bothered.
All of my life, Granny has been adamant that we appear properly attired at all times. The breakfast table is the example that stands out most. In our home, we often ate breakfast in our pajamas. In Granny's home, breakfast was not eaten until one was dressed, hair combed, face and hands washed. For Granny to sit down at that breakfast table and eat while her hair was a riot and her bottom half unclothed drove home more forcibly than anything else might have done that she was no longer able to live on her own. As she ate, I gently encouraged her to leave the food long enough to dress.
As she dressed she told me that she'd gone out on the porch with one of her visitors the evening before (some of her delusional people) and the door locked as she went out. She'd stood on the porch for an hour or so hoping someone would come by that she might wave down and get help getting back in the house. As it happened my brother went up to shut her gate and found her on the porch and let her back in the house.
That morning I called Mama and talked to her about what had occurred the previous two days and told her that I thought it time we looked into an alternate living situation for Granny. Mama said she'd talked with the Alzheimer's Support Group the day before and had found a wealth of helpful info. They had strongly urged placement in an assisted living environment with an alternative option of having a day care provider come in for 3-4 hours per day. I pointed out to Mama that we were already giving Granny the 3-4 hours of time per day and it was obviously not enough to keep her safe in her own home. She agreed and said she'd look into assisted living centers that afternoon.
When I came home later that day, after dealing with a car repair and a Big Shop, Mama called to say that Granny had agreed to come live with her again. Truthfully this is not ideal. Mama does not have the emotional nor physical stamina to be a full time caregiver. As well, she has refused to call for further help from any agency.
Mama doesn't see these things as a problem. After all, she truly believes that I can and should step up and take on the majority of the care of the two of them together. For a long time now, I've guiltily felt I ought to do the same but couldn't for the life of me figure out how to balance my life with the demands already upon me with my own lack of physical strength and my limited abilities.
A further reality bite occurred when my car broke down. It was fixed and not costly for a 'get by' repair. However, it drove home a fact that we have chosen to largely ignore. My car has 175,000 miles on it. We'd been hoping that it would last us for at least another 75,000 and towards that end we were preparing to put a good sum of money into replacing some major parts, getting body/paintwork done and replacing a few of the accessories. The cost to repair the broken part was quoted at $1500, more than the value of the car. Even if we did the things we'd planned to do and left that particular repair off the integrity of the car will be less as it is a major accessory (the air conditioner). Ultimately we've decided to proceed with routine maintenance only and to save the funds we'd planned to put into the car to improve the appearance.
And again that day another reality: After my morning with Granny, time spent in the car dealership and then doing a Big Shop, I realized that for me, the Big Shop is a thing of the past. I was so exhausted and wiped out after the Big Shop that I could barely move. I feel fine inside,
better than I've felt in a long time. But outwardly, I quickly grow weary. A Big Shop is too much. I will have to start shopping weekly. I simply cannot manage the heavy lifting and long drawn out tasks of bulk shopping.
So the week just past was difficult on many levels. What's more it was rife with a lot of realizations that I'd been willingly turning a blind eye to: my physical health, my grandmother's mental health, my mom's determination to demand more of me, our hopes where my car is concerned. Ultimately I know that these realizations all lead to an important phase of my life: acknowledging limits and sticking with them.
This is not the happy cheerful post I'd like to have made. It isn't full of the creative things I've done or the inspiring places I'd been. In fact, here at the halfway mark of my 70 week challenge I am beginning to think of scrapping the whole plan. But then again maybe not.
I've had this vision since last summer of my bathroom in a pale green, with cream cabinetry and black accents. So I bought towels and cream paint and wonderful rugs that look like woven straw to match the new ideal. I still have money enough to buy the green paint. As it happened a few days after I'd bought the paint I saw the very color plan used on a decorating program. I was so pleased with how it all looked that I am glad I didn't listen to any outside influences. The room on television was beautiful. So will be my bathroom.
Another errand on my list that day was to buy new shoes. I bought two pairs. One was a casual pair of Sketcher knock offs. The other pair of shoes were dressy, beautiful, feminine, dreamy... Note the last descriptive word: dreamy. Those shoes were everything I dream of wearing. Trouble is that my dream and my reality are worlds and worlds apart. I could barely walk after my half day of shopping, my feet were so painful. I didn't sleep at all that night. It was with great sorrow that the next day I realized my beautiful new shoes would have to be returned. I've come a long way over the past 18 years since I injured my ankles and knees but not far enough.
On Wednesday I went out with Mama to shop. I was shocked at two realizations that day. She came very near a minor accident all because she stubbornly refused to slow down, even though the lane she was driving in was CLOSED with those big orange barrels they use...Later in the day as I watched her negotiate a parking lot I realized that the problem is her vision, her depth perception appears to be seriously compromised. I am very reluctant at this point to ride with her unless I am driving. I foresee the necessity of her giving up driving on her own in the near future.
After Tuesday and Wednesday, I spent Thursday and Friday recovering from two days of excess activity. Reality bite number three: I cannot shop and clean house in the same day. That's fact.
Here again, I bump against my own concept of who I want to be and who I AM. Apparently I do a very good job of disguising my lacks because my mom doesn't see them at all. My husband on the other hand does see the toll it takes on me to continually physically push myself. He is constantly after me to rest, to slow down, to not overdo.
I had breakfast with Granny Thursday and Friday and all was well. In fact, Friday morning she was so much better, looking rested, even going so far as to say that she thought things were going to quiet down for awhile. The calm before the storm I guess.
When I arrived on Monday morning I found Granny only partially dressed. It took a great deal of encouragement to get her to even consider putting on clothes. She had on shoes, socks, two shirts. No panties or pants. Her hair was uncombed. I found clothing for her and encouraged her to dress while I turned up the heaters to warm the house, made sure coffee water was hot and ready for a warming cup and set the table for breakfast. Granny called out that she was having trouble. Indeed she was.
I had to help her dress. She told me later that she had fallen in her bedroom and had hurt her knee. Her knee was swollen and obviously stiff. She said she'd laid in the floor for a while until she got herself up. And she hadn't told Mama about it. I found the morning disturbing enough that I came home and tried to alternately work off my concerns in housework or to hide in a book. There was something very basic bothering me and I couldn't put my finger on just what though I reviewed the data over and over again.
The next morning when I arrived I found her in the same basic state of undress and obvious confusion. She didn't bother to even try and dress, nor to turn up the heaters but dived directly into eating breakfast. That's when I knew why I was so bothered.
All of my life, Granny has been adamant that we appear properly attired at all times. The breakfast table is the example that stands out most. In our home, we often ate breakfast in our pajamas. In Granny's home, breakfast was not eaten until one was dressed, hair combed, face and hands washed. For Granny to sit down at that breakfast table and eat while her hair was a riot and her bottom half unclothed drove home more forcibly than anything else might have done that she was no longer able to live on her own. As she ate, I gently encouraged her to leave the food long enough to dress.
As she dressed she told me that she'd gone out on the porch with one of her visitors the evening before (some of her delusional people) and the door locked as she went out. She'd stood on the porch for an hour or so hoping someone would come by that she might wave down and get help getting back in the house. As it happened my brother went up to shut her gate and found her on the porch and let her back in the house.
That morning I called Mama and talked to her about what had occurred the previous two days and told her that I thought it time we looked into an alternate living situation for Granny. Mama said she'd talked with the Alzheimer's Support Group the day before and had found a wealth of helpful info. They had strongly urged placement in an assisted living environment with an alternative option of having a day care provider come in for 3-4 hours per day. I pointed out to Mama that we were already giving Granny the 3-4 hours of time per day and it was obviously not enough to keep her safe in her own home. She agreed and said she'd look into assisted living centers that afternoon.
When I came home later that day, after dealing with a car repair and a Big Shop, Mama called to say that Granny had agreed to come live with her again. Truthfully this is not ideal. Mama does not have the emotional nor physical stamina to be a full time caregiver. As well, she has refused to call for further help from any agency.
Mama doesn't see these things as a problem. After all, she truly believes that I can and should step up and take on the majority of the care of the two of them together. For a long time now, I've guiltily felt I ought to do the same but couldn't for the life of me figure out how to balance my life with the demands already upon me with my own lack of physical strength and my limited abilities.
A further reality bite occurred when my car broke down. It was fixed and not costly for a 'get by' repair. However, it drove home a fact that we have chosen to largely ignore. My car has 175,000 miles on it. We'd been hoping that it would last us for at least another 75,000 and towards that end we were preparing to put a good sum of money into replacing some major parts, getting body/paintwork done and replacing a few of the accessories. The cost to repair the broken part was quoted at $1500, more than the value of the car. Even if we did the things we'd planned to do and left that particular repair off the integrity of the car will be less as it is a major accessory (the air conditioner). Ultimately we've decided to proceed with routine maintenance only and to save the funds we'd planned to put into the car to improve the appearance.
And again that day another reality: After my morning with Granny, time spent in the car dealership and then doing a Big Shop, I realized that for me, the Big Shop is a thing of the past. I was so exhausted and wiped out after the Big Shop that I could barely move. I feel fine inside,
better than I've felt in a long time. But outwardly, I quickly grow weary. A Big Shop is too much. I will have to start shopping weekly. I simply cannot manage the heavy lifting and long drawn out tasks of bulk shopping.
So the week just past was difficult on many levels. What's more it was rife with a lot of realizations that I'd been willingly turning a blind eye to: my physical health, my grandmother's mental health, my mom's determination to demand more of me, our hopes where my car is concerned. Ultimately I know that these realizations all lead to an important phase of my life: acknowledging limits and sticking with them.
This is not the happy cheerful post I'd like to have made. It isn't full of the creative things I've done or the inspiring places I'd been. In fact, here at the halfway mark of my 70 week challenge I am beginning to think of scrapping the whole plan. But then again maybe not.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Week 28/Day 5: A New Day, A New Year and A New Decade...
I can't deny that I am thrilled to be facing a new decade. My husband and I were talking over the one behind last night. It was difficult to say the least, yet blessings abounded as well. Had it not been for those blessings we'd likely have collapsed under the strain of the trials, lol.
I've been busy in the week just past. For one thing I've worked hard on my home. There's plenty of major projects to tackle and keep me busy for months. I am contemplating re-doing several areas. I have some materials on hand that will allow me to get off to a good start on several of the projects.
My mind has been busy too. It seems I am on a creative carousel. I was about to toss a catalog last night when I suddenly 'saw' a project in my mind's eye that involved the cover photo. I have sevearl projects in mind, (again all I need is on hand) to start out this New Year. A friend shared with me her idea of covering cardstock with pretty scrapbook paper to make dividers for my home keeping notebook. I am thrilled at the idea of the pretty dividers soon to be mine.
My new Bible reading program went well this morning. I had enough quiet time to really get into the meat of the reading, time enough to research a few matters of curiosity and a revelation I'd never had before. I do love the way the Bible never changes, yet our hearts will be ripe for a new word on a page read often enough to know it well. Isn't that the way it is with our relationships as a whole? We go along thinking we know someone very well indeed and then we see a particular trait we've never noticed or we hear some bit of history about them that we never before had heard and suddenly we are aware that we don't really know them as well as we thought. I find the Bible is exactly that way. It is my stepping stone into building a relationship with God through His word. Reading a passage that speaks to me in a new way is exciting.
My husband and I have had roughly a week alone. Our daughter is off visiting her big brother and so we've spent a lot of time with just ourselves. I look at these days as test drives for what life will be like when she is gone from home. And a good thing, too, because when we had dinner with the two yesterday it was revealed that they plan to be roommates come summer. He requires help with the rent while he's still in school. She needs to be in an area with employement opportunities once she's finished school. This will suit both their needs.
While today has been rather relaxing, I expect to be right in the heart of activity come Monday morning. I am so excited to begin work on my goals for the year!
I've been busy in the week just past. For one thing I've worked hard on my home. There's plenty of major projects to tackle and keep me busy for months. I am contemplating re-doing several areas. I have some materials on hand that will allow me to get off to a good start on several of the projects.
My mind has been busy too. It seems I am on a creative carousel. I was about to toss a catalog last night when I suddenly 'saw' a project in my mind's eye that involved the cover photo. I have sevearl projects in mind, (again all I need is on hand) to start out this New Year. A friend shared with me her idea of covering cardstock with pretty scrapbook paper to make dividers for my home keeping notebook. I am thrilled at the idea of the pretty dividers soon to be mine.
My new Bible reading program went well this morning. I had enough quiet time to really get into the meat of the reading, time enough to research a few matters of curiosity and a revelation I'd never had before. I do love the way the Bible never changes, yet our hearts will be ripe for a new word on a page read often enough to know it well. Isn't that the way it is with our relationships as a whole? We go along thinking we know someone very well indeed and then we see a particular trait we've never noticed or we hear some bit of history about them that we never before had heard and suddenly we are aware that we don't really know them as well as we thought. I find the Bible is exactly that way. It is my stepping stone into building a relationship with God through His word. Reading a passage that speaks to me in a new way is exciting.
My husband and I have had roughly a week alone. Our daughter is off visiting her big brother and so we've spent a lot of time with just ourselves. I look at these days as test drives for what life will be like when she is gone from home. And a good thing, too, because when we had dinner with the two yesterday it was revealed that they plan to be roommates come summer. He requires help with the rent while he's still in school. She needs to be in an area with employement opportunities once she's finished school. This will suit both their needs.
While today has been rather relaxing, I expect to be right in the heart of activity come Monday morning. I am so excited to begin work on my goals for the year!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Week 27/Day 7: Ponderings for the Next Year
Hello all. I know. I'm sure you've all been absolutely as busy as I've been the past four weeks and will fully understand why I was MIA on this blog. It seemed I did a great deal in the intervening weeks. I decorated for Christmas, did the shopping I'd left undone all year long, fretted over ways and means and was delighted to realize that (a) God would and did provide and that (b) what I couldn't afford wasn't necessarily the best gift I could give anyway. I cooked, cleaned, travelled (Kay had a number of doctor appointments and we had many days of errands, services, and shopping tossed in for good measure), worked and worked and worked and enjoyed a few Christmas parties.
My husband's work party this year was exceptionally pleasant. Usually we gather at a local pizza place. It's always a nice gathering but in a public place with booths it's hard to get in a nice group. This year his boss decided to have the party in his home, the tables were set up in one room and the whole things went off very nicely. So nicely that his boss eventually told us all to go home!lol.
Just for the record, our family get together at my mom's was by far one of the best we've had in years. It made up in gold for the way our Thanksgiving Day went down. My sweet husband was actually able to attend that gathering with me for a change. It's seldom that he is included in my family gatherings because my mother seldom plans them around his off weeks. However, my son got in on the planning this time and made sure the dates coincided with his dad's off week. I'm not sure my husband was thrilled, lol, but I was deeply happy to have him there. I often feel very much as though I have a fictitious husband when we're with my family.
We've had a lot of rain this month as well, probably as much rain altogether as our midwestern friends and family have had snow this past week. The ground is sodden and squishy still. It runs in the ditches as it hasn't for years and years. The river is high and has stayed so for nearly 6 weeks now.
A bit of personal family news: My husband was offered Worship leader position at our synagogue and accepted after he went into prayer. This is the most wonderful news as it confirms our decision to trust God to position him to move ahead in his music career as well our faith that we were moving into the very place where God wanted us.
The past month has not been all about parties and work and rain however. I finished my annual review. I had a lovely Christmas Day, though I admit to having a rather blah feeling about it all right up until Christmas Eve. I've had a couple of days alone to really ponder and think about the year ahead and plan my goals for the month. I'm excited over some of the creative ideas I've had in the past two days as well. I guess I just needed the quiet spaces to hear my creative voice once more.
It also occurred to in the past couple of days that we aren't just starting a new year, we're starting a new decade. I would love to look a bit further ahead into my future and see where I'll be at this time in 2019. Just a sneak peek, you know? But I will tell you, if offered the opportunity it's unlikely I'd look. I never can read the last chapter or page of a book to see how it comes out. How could I do that for my life? It would spoil all the fun of the surprises ahead wouldn't it?
So while I have this stretch of alone time, I'd like to start sharing a few of my goals for the coming month:
#1 I have a new Bible study plotted out. A couple of years ago I decided to study the names of God so I could learn more about who He was. It was a good study but I felt I learned only the tip of the whole of Him. I found a new book that includes more scripture and questions to work on at the end of each chapter. I thought I'd like to go back and read the other two books as well as the new one, to view different translations of the Bible etc. I mean to go more in depth this time.
As it happens I had a wonderful revelation of a side of Christ I've never had before. At the beginning of the month as I sat in synagogue I wrote out a quick list of all that Yeshua is to me. It wasn't by any means comprehensive but just a quick run through: Counselor, Confidant, Savior, Lamb of God, etc. It gave me a nice bit of food for thought. The last service we attended I was so moved by the music and began to pray about my blase state of late. I knew part of the problem was that I'd lost that deep personal side of my spiritual life.
I don't know about you, but just as I can disconnect from my husband at times, due to being busy and tired, I also disconnect from God. This particular Saturday, I suddenly had a vision of Jesus gathering me in his arms and showering kisses all over my face. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I felt myself yearning for him. I was a bit surprised by the vision because I'd never thought of Jesus Lover of my Soul, but that it what the experience was reminiscent of, a passionate yearning for Him, wanting to be as near as I could get to Him once more. It was not sexual but it was definitely full of longing and desire on my part to meet His desire for me to draw near...It was a wonderful revelation. To feel that he longed for me to return to Him as much as I longed to return...I was overwhelmed with that vision of His love for me.
That revelation has made me even more determined to follow this study for the beginning of the year.
I also plan to begin reading the Bible through once more. I am very close to finishing this year's reading of the Bible. The next reading will follow a chronological pattern, so that the whole falls into the actual time line as I read.
#2 I have had a strong tendency to speak for my children and my husband, often interfering in their natural relationship with one another and others and irritating all mightily. It isn't done maliciously but more and more I see it as an act of arrogance, as though I know better than they what they should be saying and when, need intervention in their relationships with one another, are unable to handle their own affairs. I am working hard to curb that tendency. That same revelatory Saturday at synagogue pointed up this fact. I came very near speaking on my husband's behalf to someone. I listened to the inner urging to keep my tongue still and I'm so happy I did, because the way things worked out I'd have been completely off base and out of line! Frankly it saved a world of hurt and hard feelings. With his new position as Worship leader it is vital that I keep still and let him do this in his way, working through prayer to handle it as he feels is best. I'll need prayers for me on this one dears, and will deeply appreciate it if you'll remember me.
#3 We did very well over the holiday period but it's time to get strict once more about our finances. I'll be returning to my pre-holiday budget of $115 per week for our grocery, personal and household needs. Honestly if I can bring it lower I will, but I feel it will be challenge enough at first to get back to this limit.
As well, we allocated a portion of our income from savings to our checking for the past three months while my husband has been on shortened pay due to his accumulation of holidays and vacations. It isn't a great sum but it made up the difference in the naturally built in overtime hours he would receive when working. Now that he's back to regular hours at the beginning of the year, I want to make sure that portion is once more allotted to our savings account.
Another desire this year is to save $10/week towards next year's Christmas expenses. I have truly had good intentions about finishing Christmas shopping by the end of October but for years now it hasn't happened. We get hit heavily by birthdays in February and again for an 8 week period starting at the end of May and running through mid-July. By the time we hit that second wave of birthdays I am so offtrack it's impossible to catch up. With my husband now planning to take off for the full month of October and several days in both November and December of each year, the money suddenly dwindles about the time I'm ready to pull up my bootstraps and go at the shopping once more. And I've discovered that the man actually LIKES to shop for Christmas gifts! Who knew?
So with all that in mind, it seems that if I can at least put aside a set amount each week we should be able to fairly well manage our shopping in those long weeks he's out of work. $10/week will more than cover what we'd normally spend and give us a little wiggle room for mailing packages to the Grands as well, which by the way, took a nice chunk of money this year! As well $10/week is just a matter of scraping together loose change and going without a couple of sodas or a bunch of flowers. I can do that easily!
#4 Time to get back on track with my housekeeping. This past year has been abysmal as far as cleaning went. Between taking care of sick folks and running hither and yon to doctors and such, I truly never finished a single deep clean of any room. I will once more revert to Fly lady's cleaning plan which will allow me to focus fully on one room a week. I may not do all the deep cleaning in that week, but when the next week rolls around the following month, I should be able to tackle still more of the required tasks. I figure that means each room should be well and truly cleaned at least once a quarter, a far better record than this year. I do very well with the routine stuff so no need to sign up for a course of reminders. I just need to focus on one area each week to get the house fully back in shape once more.
#5 I have all sorts of ideas for the Penny Ann blog. I won't share what all I hope to implement in the coming year, but I'm really excited about the thoughts that have come across to me this past weekend. I've been busy jotting down notes. Penny Ann is a work in constant process of being changed. I can't wait to see how the ideas work out.
#6 UFO's abound in my home. Unfinished Objects, areas, crafts, etc. I plan to tackle at least one UFO a week in the coming month. Some are going to require more work than others and some simply require that I stop putting them off. I want this year to be the year I finally achieve a completion of every started project. Then I can get away from the distractions they cause and move forward.
Notice what I am not putting down as a goal. For the first time in nearly 40 years I am not making it a goal to lose weight, diet, eat right or exercise. I am so sick of having that around my neck weighing me down. I'm hopeful that this year, I finally get around to just enjoying my life and stop feeling guilty about food and what others must think of me. I figure if I focus on the areas of my life that are important to me, rather than the one that the world at large tells me I should, I'll be a great deal happier.
I'll end here, as it's getting time for my husband to come in from work. I will do my best to post at least weekly now the holidays are over.
My husband's work party this year was exceptionally pleasant. Usually we gather at a local pizza place. It's always a nice gathering but in a public place with booths it's hard to get in a nice group. This year his boss decided to have the party in his home, the tables were set up in one room and the whole things went off very nicely. So nicely that his boss eventually told us all to go home!lol.
Just for the record, our family get together at my mom's was by far one of the best we've had in years. It made up in gold for the way our Thanksgiving Day went down. My sweet husband was actually able to attend that gathering with me for a change. It's seldom that he is included in my family gatherings because my mother seldom plans them around his off weeks. However, my son got in on the planning this time and made sure the dates coincided with his dad's off week. I'm not sure my husband was thrilled, lol, but I was deeply happy to have him there. I often feel very much as though I have a fictitious husband when we're with my family.
We've had a lot of rain this month as well, probably as much rain altogether as our midwestern friends and family have had snow this past week. The ground is sodden and squishy still. It runs in the ditches as it hasn't for years and years. The river is high and has stayed so for nearly 6 weeks now.
A bit of personal family news: My husband was offered Worship leader position at our synagogue and accepted after he went into prayer. This is the most wonderful news as it confirms our decision to trust God to position him to move ahead in his music career as well our faith that we were moving into the very place where God wanted us.
The past month has not been all about parties and work and rain however. I finished my annual review. I had a lovely Christmas Day, though I admit to having a rather blah feeling about it all right up until Christmas Eve. I've had a couple of days alone to really ponder and think about the year ahead and plan my goals for the month. I'm excited over some of the creative ideas I've had in the past two days as well. I guess I just needed the quiet spaces to hear my creative voice once more.
It also occurred to in the past couple of days that we aren't just starting a new year, we're starting a new decade. I would love to look a bit further ahead into my future and see where I'll be at this time in 2019. Just a sneak peek, you know? But I will tell you, if offered the opportunity it's unlikely I'd look. I never can read the last chapter or page of a book to see how it comes out. How could I do that for my life? It would spoil all the fun of the surprises ahead wouldn't it?
So while I have this stretch of alone time, I'd like to start sharing a few of my goals for the coming month:
#1 I have a new Bible study plotted out. A couple of years ago I decided to study the names of God so I could learn more about who He was. It was a good study but I felt I learned only the tip of the whole of Him. I found a new book that includes more scripture and questions to work on at the end of each chapter. I thought I'd like to go back and read the other two books as well as the new one, to view different translations of the Bible etc. I mean to go more in depth this time.
As it happens I had a wonderful revelation of a side of Christ I've never had before. At the beginning of the month as I sat in synagogue I wrote out a quick list of all that Yeshua is to me. It wasn't by any means comprehensive but just a quick run through: Counselor, Confidant, Savior, Lamb of God, etc. It gave me a nice bit of food for thought. The last service we attended I was so moved by the music and began to pray about my blase state of late. I knew part of the problem was that I'd lost that deep personal side of my spiritual life.
I don't know about you, but just as I can disconnect from my husband at times, due to being busy and tired, I also disconnect from God. This particular Saturday, I suddenly had a vision of Jesus gathering me in his arms and showering kisses all over my face. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I felt myself yearning for him. I was a bit surprised by the vision because I'd never thought of Jesus Lover of my Soul, but that it what the experience was reminiscent of, a passionate yearning for Him, wanting to be as near as I could get to Him once more. It was not sexual but it was definitely full of longing and desire on my part to meet His desire for me to draw near...It was a wonderful revelation. To feel that he longed for me to return to Him as much as I longed to return...I was overwhelmed with that vision of His love for me.
That revelation has made me even more determined to follow this study for the beginning of the year.
I also plan to begin reading the Bible through once more. I am very close to finishing this year's reading of the Bible. The next reading will follow a chronological pattern, so that the whole falls into the actual time line as I read.
#2 I have had a strong tendency to speak for my children and my husband, often interfering in their natural relationship with one another and others and irritating all mightily. It isn't done maliciously but more and more I see it as an act of arrogance, as though I know better than they what they should be saying and when, need intervention in their relationships with one another, are unable to handle their own affairs. I am working hard to curb that tendency. That same revelatory Saturday at synagogue pointed up this fact. I came very near speaking on my husband's behalf to someone. I listened to the inner urging to keep my tongue still and I'm so happy I did, because the way things worked out I'd have been completely off base and out of line! Frankly it saved a world of hurt and hard feelings. With his new position as Worship leader it is vital that I keep still and let him do this in his way, working through prayer to handle it as he feels is best. I'll need prayers for me on this one dears, and will deeply appreciate it if you'll remember me.
#3 We did very well over the holiday period but it's time to get strict once more about our finances. I'll be returning to my pre-holiday budget of $115 per week for our grocery, personal and household needs. Honestly if I can bring it lower I will, but I feel it will be challenge enough at first to get back to this limit.
As well, we allocated a portion of our income from savings to our checking for the past three months while my husband has been on shortened pay due to his accumulation of holidays and vacations. It isn't a great sum but it made up the difference in the naturally built in overtime hours he would receive when working. Now that he's back to regular hours at the beginning of the year, I want to make sure that portion is once more allotted to our savings account.
Another desire this year is to save $10/week towards next year's Christmas expenses. I have truly had good intentions about finishing Christmas shopping by the end of October but for years now it hasn't happened. We get hit heavily by birthdays in February and again for an 8 week period starting at the end of May and running through mid-July. By the time we hit that second wave of birthdays I am so offtrack it's impossible to catch up. With my husband now planning to take off for the full month of October and several days in both November and December of each year, the money suddenly dwindles about the time I'm ready to pull up my bootstraps and go at the shopping once more. And I've discovered that the man actually LIKES to shop for Christmas gifts! Who knew?
So with all that in mind, it seems that if I can at least put aside a set amount each week we should be able to fairly well manage our shopping in those long weeks he's out of work. $10/week will more than cover what we'd normally spend and give us a little wiggle room for mailing packages to the Grands as well, which by the way, took a nice chunk of money this year! As well $10/week is just a matter of scraping together loose change and going without a couple of sodas or a bunch of flowers. I can do that easily!
#4 Time to get back on track with my housekeeping. This past year has been abysmal as far as cleaning went. Between taking care of sick folks and running hither and yon to doctors and such, I truly never finished a single deep clean of any room. I will once more revert to Fly lady's cleaning plan which will allow me to focus fully on one room a week. I may not do all the deep cleaning in that week, but when the next week rolls around the following month, I should be able to tackle still more of the required tasks. I figure that means each room should be well and truly cleaned at least once a quarter, a far better record than this year. I do very well with the routine stuff so no need to sign up for a course of reminders. I just need to focus on one area each week to get the house fully back in shape once more.
#5 I have all sorts of ideas for the Penny Ann blog. I won't share what all I hope to implement in the coming year, but I'm really excited about the thoughts that have come across to me this past weekend. I've been busy jotting down notes. Penny Ann is a work in constant process of being changed. I can't wait to see how the ideas work out.
#6 UFO's abound in my home. Unfinished Objects, areas, crafts, etc. I plan to tackle at least one UFO a week in the coming month. Some are going to require more work than others and some simply require that I stop putting them off. I want this year to be the year I finally achieve a completion of every started project. Then I can get away from the distractions they cause and move forward.
Notice what I am not putting down as a goal. For the first time in nearly 40 years I am not making it a goal to lose weight, diet, eat right or exercise. I am so sick of having that around my neck weighing me down. I'm hopeful that this year, I finally get around to just enjoying my life and stop feeling guilty about food and what others must think of me. I figure if I focus on the areas of my life that are important to me, rather than the one that the world at large tells me I should, I'll be a great deal happier.
I'll end here, as it's getting time for my husband to come in from work. I will do my best to post at least weekly now the holidays are over.
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