Did you think I'd disappeared totally, given up yet again on my quest to complete a 70 week Inspired Journey of living? No, not quite. After our lovely Sunday drive, I came home to collaspe with the Sunday paper, my favorite Sunday evening thing to do. It's the only day of the week when I actively sit down and read the news, or pay attention to it. Once a week is entirely enough in my world. More than that and I sink into a sea of Despond, overwhelmed by the anxiety and angst I find in daily newscasts.
I also, unintentionally set a boundary, when a family member assumed I'd be doing something I hadn't planned to do. I'm afraid, as K says, I burst his bubble, ripped his kite from the sky. And I did the same again on Monday when I was taking Granny and Mama to visit Granny's GP. I'm glad I went along on that trip as his office is without a doubt the most unfriendly handicap accessible place, which involves not only a steep ramp but the first leg of the ramp ends at a narrow landing before a steep set of steps on the opposite end, and then you must make a Uturn to the second leg of the ramp and a 90degree turn to get into the door. It pretty much sucks and would have been impossible for Mama to negotiate with her limited strength.
However, all that aside, I did discover that a second doctor's visit was in the offing on Wednesday, and I did not volunteer to take them to that office. I actually stopped and considered the doctor's office (near the outskirts of a busy area, but in a quiet street) and at ground level (easily accessible for even wheelchair and walker bound patients). Not offering to go along, even though I wasn't asked was a major step for me. I have a tendency to tie up my time with guilt trips, and truth be told, I pretty much wasted Wednesday alternately feeling guilty and feeling rebellious. Waste of time, but I did accomplish a few other things in between trips so not a total loss and as these things go, all was well and went better than planned for Mama and Granny, which should teach me how futile wasting that time truly is.
I'm learning to set my boundaries and respect them. I knew full well that I'd have mightily resented giving up that time and would also have pushed myself beyond my limits. Sometimes, the worst disrespector of our time is ourselves.
I pretty much lost the major portion of week 2 between being overtired and a schedule full of duty roles to play. Change of life is more wearing than you might imagine and I hit one of my brick wall moments this past week. I've learned to respect my body's limits as well. Rest was called for and rest was what I did my best to give. Less strenuous activities and a few more naps here and there. It worked out beautifully and I've come out this side of Week 2 feeling energetic and creative once more.
I've decided to go off on a couple weeks Flights of Fancy. That's when I drop my usual writing routine and allow myself the freedom to devote a full span of time to purely fun/creative pursuits. I've an idea for a flower border that I'm longing to get to work on, but rain may well offset the possibility of doing that. And I've another idea for reclaiming my front porch from the pet's home base and making it a summer room, using ingredients I have on hand, and there are a couple of craft projects I much want to finish off that are only half done. And there's a short road trip or two to pursue and a bit of shopping that will allow me time and space to really look for inspiration...I can hardly wait to get started. I'll try to remember to take the camera along on some of these home flights.
In the meantime, I suspect a nap would hit the spot!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Wandering Dew
Last night, I found the original journal entry for my first start at a 70 week Journey into being all I might be. April 13, 2008 was my starting date and I actually made it through about 12 weeks before hard things intervened and I gave up. My source of inspiration was a prophecy in the book of Daniel.
One of the things I'd mentioned at that time in my journal was the desire to travel just 70 minutes in many different directions from home, on 'day journeys', just to see what surrounds me. There are all sorts of Colonial settlements in that driving frame and historical sites and oh my goodness, antique and junk shops...Just the sort of thing that would please me no end, and incidentally I'd have the opportunity to visit some former small towns that no longer exist, which happen to be listed on a comprehensive state atlas I possess. History thrills me, no matter how homey the history may be, or how small the evidence remaining. It's all 'scope for the imagination."
I wrote "Wandering" on my Inspired list last night. So even though I wasn't feeling well today on our way home, when my daughter casually asked me "I wonder where that road leads?" I took off down it. I knew more or less where we'd end up. What I didn't know was what was we'd spend the next 70 minutes wandering around various little back roads, all paved and in good repair thank goodness, finding our way home again. It was just the sort of Inspired thing I needed to make my day.
I found a few picture perfect rural spots of fields and old farmhouses and country churches along the ways we travelled today. I'll try to keep my camera and a full load of batteries with me for future jaunts. I want to record my journeys.
In order to keep my daughter happily going to church, my husband and I discussed letting her choose her own place of worship. The church she chose meets the same time as ours. Our solution was that I would carry her to that church on the opposing Sunday when he's working, and we'd attend our church as a family on his weekends off (every other week). K has chosen to attend a certain denomination that I find a little constricting. They have the most awesome worship team who lead in contemporary songs, really spirit filled songs...And a congregation that stands at attention simply staring at the team, never raising a hand, never really acting as though they know what to do.
Honestly, it was hard for me to just sit still today when we attended. I'd been listening to Kari Jobe before leaving home, I'd been reading about my spirit journey that took place last Spring and the extraordinary things we'd experienced earlier in the morning, praying heavily all week long and was filled with Spirit. The songs in the praise service were just an added dimension of that for me, and I sort of felt like I was all on my own out there having this terrific experience, while every one around me seemed...bored.
What saved the service for me: the pastor is an inspired speaker, sound in Bible doctrine. His topic the past few weeks has been Ordinary People/Extraordinary Characters, all about how God takes the ordinary every day people in the Bible and uses them to make extraordinary things happen, how he uses the imperfect to correct and confound the wise. Today's sermon was about Gideon, a might warrior of God...who was hiding when God called him.
Well I'm off to pursue my quieter activities of Crossword puzzle and reading. I've a busy few days ahead of me, and somewhere amongst the heavy duty roster, I want to squeeze in a few more moments of Inspiration Living.
One of the things I'd mentioned at that time in my journal was the desire to travel just 70 minutes in many different directions from home, on 'day journeys', just to see what surrounds me. There are all sorts of Colonial settlements in that driving frame and historical sites and oh my goodness, antique and junk shops...Just the sort of thing that would please me no end, and incidentally I'd have the opportunity to visit some former small towns that no longer exist, which happen to be listed on a comprehensive state atlas I possess. History thrills me, no matter how homey the history may be, or how small the evidence remaining. It's all 'scope for the imagination."
I wrote "Wandering" on my Inspired list last night. So even though I wasn't feeling well today on our way home, when my daughter casually asked me "I wonder where that road leads?" I took off down it. I knew more or less where we'd end up. What I didn't know was what was we'd spend the next 70 minutes wandering around various little back roads, all paved and in good repair thank goodness, finding our way home again. It was just the sort of Inspired thing I needed to make my day.
I found a few picture perfect rural spots of fields and old farmhouses and country churches along the ways we travelled today. I'll try to keep my camera and a full load of batteries with me for future jaunts. I want to record my journeys.
In order to keep my daughter happily going to church, my husband and I discussed letting her choose her own place of worship. The church she chose meets the same time as ours. Our solution was that I would carry her to that church on the opposing Sunday when he's working, and we'd attend our church as a family on his weekends off (every other week). K has chosen to attend a certain denomination that I find a little constricting. They have the most awesome worship team who lead in contemporary songs, really spirit filled songs...And a congregation that stands at attention simply staring at the team, never raising a hand, never really acting as though they know what to do.
Honestly, it was hard for me to just sit still today when we attended. I'd been listening to Kari Jobe before leaving home, I'd been reading about my spirit journey that took place last Spring and the extraordinary things we'd experienced earlier in the morning, praying heavily all week long and was filled with Spirit. The songs in the praise service were just an added dimension of that for me, and I sort of felt like I was all on my own out there having this terrific experience, while every one around me seemed...bored.
What saved the service for me: the pastor is an inspired speaker, sound in Bible doctrine. His topic the past few weeks has been Ordinary People/Extraordinary Characters, all about how God takes the ordinary every day people in the Bible and uses them to make extraordinary things happen, how he uses the imperfect to correct and confound the wise. Today's sermon was about Gideon, a might warrior of God...who was hiding when God called him.
Well I'm off to pursue my quieter activities of Crossword puzzle and reading. I've a busy few days ahead of me, and somewhere amongst the heavy duty roster, I want to squeeze in a few more moments of Inspiration Living.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Day 4: What I might have been
This morning, as I stood at the kitchen sink loading dishes into the dishwasher, I half listened to K's tv program, Made. Today's theme has apparently been Prom Queen/King day. The girl on this particular episode was saying, "I want to look back and see that I did something I dreamed of doing."
Naturally my own mind skimmed back over the last 32 years to my own 18th year of life and I looked dispassionately at the girl I had been and the dreams I'd held dear. Not quite the life I'd planned, because let's face it, even if our dreams are as simple as being a wife, mother, homemaker and writer, one hardly dreams of endless loads of dishes and laundry, sleepless nights with crying babes in arm, quarrels with hubby, estranged children, or hanging on tooth and nail to writing via blogs and wondering if we haven't made it by 50 will we ever? Nope, that's not in an 18year old's thoughts.
And while I've been incredibly lucky to achieve happiness in my life at last, I also realized that it was too late to be what I might have been when I was 18. Lest you think I am feeling bluesy you'd be entirely wrong. For right on the heels of that last thought came the realization that it's not to late to be what I still might. It's just a matter of grabbing at opportunities and taking them, continuing to dream and reach, something I'm a little better prepared to do than I was at 18, being many years wiser, stronger and more firmly grounded.
Today I continued to work on that one portion of my porch. The birdhouses are all painted, the window frame is half painted. I am now out of paints of any sort other than silver and black. For the moment I'm done with it, until I can get around to picking up a few more plants, a can or two or three of paint and/or the mood strikes to do some sewing.
The duty work I'd meant to do using online resources was preempted by heavy lightning and then the popping on and off again of the electricity. So I retreated to my bedroom with the laptop, and lacking a wireless connection, popped in a DVD and watched a movie, nice and relaxing way to spend an afternoon after a fairly busy morning.
Well, I guess I'd better tend to duty now that the weather is more amendable to my internet connection. It's just another day in my Inspired Life.
Naturally my own mind skimmed back over the last 32 years to my own 18th year of life and I looked dispassionately at the girl I had been and the dreams I'd held dear. Not quite the life I'd planned, because let's face it, even if our dreams are as simple as being a wife, mother, homemaker and writer, one hardly dreams of endless loads of dishes and laundry, sleepless nights with crying babes in arm, quarrels with hubby, estranged children, or hanging on tooth and nail to writing via blogs and wondering if we haven't made it by 50 will we ever? Nope, that's not in an 18year old's thoughts.
And while I've been incredibly lucky to achieve happiness in my life at last, I also realized that it was too late to be what I might have been when I was 18. Lest you think I am feeling bluesy you'd be entirely wrong. For right on the heels of that last thought came the realization that it's not to late to be what I still might. It's just a matter of grabbing at opportunities and taking them, continuing to dream and reach, something I'm a little better prepared to do than I was at 18, being many years wiser, stronger and more firmly grounded.
Today I continued to work on that one portion of my porch. The birdhouses are all painted, the window frame is half painted. I am now out of paints of any sort other than silver and black. For the moment I'm done with it, until I can get around to picking up a few more plants, a can or two or three of paint and/or the mood strikes to do some sewing.
The duty work I'd meant to do using online resources was preempted by heavy lightning and then the popping on and off again of the electricity. So I retreated to my bedroom with the laptop, and lacking a wireless connection, popped in a DVD and watched a movie, nice and relaxing way to spend an afternoon after a fairly busy morning.
Well, I guess I'd better tend to duty now that the weather is more amendable to my internet connection. It's just another day in my Inspired Life.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Just for Me - Day 3
This morning, as I sat thinking about my to-do list and my inspired list, I was also coincidentally allowing my alter ego PennyAnnPoundwise to write a blog post over on xanga.
I couldn't make up my mind if I wanted to go into town or not. If I did go into town at what time? I really wanted to watch three programs that come on back to back mid-morning. I won't get to see them again for days and days, maybe even another 8 days! My window of opportunity to see these programs is small as I am at the mercy of schedules and such most days. Today was a rare free day. Watch tv? Go to town? Miss programs or wait? Stay in town to shop or go out of town? How far out of town? Next town over, two towns over, three towns over? What to do?
While I was letting my left brain argue on and on, my right brain Penny was hard at work and had just reached the end of the post when my computer protection program pops up with one of those "Oh My Gosh! " messages stating that a program was a problem and did I want to remove it from my computer? Well of course, I did! I mean, why am I paying for the stupid program if I'm going to allow viruses and worms and ad-ware and such to run willynilly through my computer causing it to disintegrate even faster than the manufacturer had hoped it might? So I hit the "yes" button never once dreaming that for some unknown reason the program it wanted to stop was my blog. So it shut down the window and I hadn't even had time to hit the send button! An hour's worth of work gone, phhhhttt! Just like that. Into the never to be posted black cyber hole.
The thought of starting all over again made me want to cry. And after glancing up at the clock I realized that if I stayed home, I would not be watching the favored tv programs at all...No, duty would demand that I stick right here at the computer recreating that post, regretting the loss of all opportunities to do as I must and wanted. And if I was going to miss the short time allowed me to do the errands and then watch the movie I'd planned then I was going to be unhappy. As tears welled up in my eyes, I knew immediately that I was going to go into town and then beyond town. I was going to do the errands, but first, I was going to take the advice of a slightly older woman who once told me "Women should always do something they want to do every day."
I wanted to go plunder through goodies. I wanted to hunt for treasure. I needed a thrift store fix. First I dressed myself up nicely and put on makeup and checked my reflection, because I need to take time to make me feel good about how I look on the outside. I went into town where the aforesaid slightly older woman stood behind the counter at the thrift store and proceeded to hunt, slowly and methodically, shelf by shelf, until I found every hidden treasure that was meant to be mine.
I'm too tired this afternoon to bother with the strain of trying to load photos, but I'll tell you what I found:
1 small, old Currier and Ives print in a white frame, perfect for my bedroom wall where I've started a grouping of old light colored framed pieces of art from the 1930s/40s. This particular print is called At The River.
1 large picture of a young David, sitting on a hillside writing a song, while his sheep graze on the plain below him. That picture is for my Christian songwriting husband to go on another wall of the bedroom, one where we have a couple of pieces of Christian artwork.
l medium sized print of small blue birds with yellow chests. I have no idea where I'll put it, but I do collect bluebirds so I guess that's why it spoke to me.
2 sage green ceramic planters, just big enough for a small pot of ivy.
4 sort of sage-olive green and cream saucers, perfect for the stinking narrow galley rail above my stove that will hold nothing but saucers.
A pair of milk glass salt and pepper shakers...or I thought they were glass. I'm beginning to think it's more like a high density plastic since handling them in dishwasher.
1 1963 copy of Hints from Heloise.
Yes, I was very satisfied and my wallet didn't feel the strain because my husband, in great wisdom, suggested a month ago that if I must spend money couldn't I at least start my own little fund in the checking account that is earmarked for shopping? I followed his advice and had two deposits worth of money in the special fund.
Then I took off to go to Walmart. Because I'd done something for myself, I was ready to do just a tiny bit more for me, and a little something for the husband and the family. At Walmart I got two small Ivy, one small wave petunia and a small tabletop ironing board. Now that might seem an odd object to say I bought for myself, given my history of disliking ironing mightily, but you'll see why in a few moments. And I bought myself two new bras because a woman my age always needs a good bra if she's to look at least as young as she is!
I felt I'd spent quite enough on me at that point, so I looked up a special object my husband had gently hinted he'd love to own: a plastic sandwich box that looks like a Wonder Bread wrapper. No kidding, the man loves things that make him nostalgic for his childhood and he saw a nurse with one of those yesterday and he really wanted one, I could hear it in his voice as he told me of it, though he never said "Let's see if we can find one, " because he just doesn't do that. Just to let you know I didn't imagine things, he called while I was in Walmart and asked "Where are you and what are you doing?" and I said "In Walmart looking for a Wonder Bread sandwich box." His reply, "Really? For me?", pretty much said it all.
I picked up the necessary groceries including sweet treats for my daughter then left Walmart and pondered lunchtime options. Thinking over the numerous restaurants in the area I asked myself what did I really really want? I gave myself permission to have whatever I really wanted. This is something I forget to do too often. You might think this would be dangerously expensiveor high calorie, but often it's not. And I am always satisfied with what I eat when I remember to do this. It's those times when I don't do it that I end up eating something that leaves me dissatisfied and grazing all afternoon long that gets expensive and weighty.
What I really wanted today: a good burger and a frozen coke. Done deal. Had both at Burger King and went on my way. It was so hot and miserable outdoors that I also decided I really wanted a small ice cream cone. So I stopped in the next town and got a cone and ate it on the way home.
Totally satisfied. Didn't want a single bite of anything, no snacks, nothing, until supper time tonight. I felt I'd chosen well. I had lettuce, tomato and onion on my burger, no fries or any of the other fatty sides. A small cone, which is Weight Watcher acceptable as a dessert. Supper tonight a big bowl of tossed salad with chunks of roast beef as the protein. 1/2 cup pineapple chunks. And a good cup of coffee as a chaser.
Now back to the mid-afternoon when I arrived back home. I went to work on that front porch again. The old big ironing board is now on the front porch, holding a variety of red, white and blue birdhouses, two teapots: one filled with an ivy plant, the other with a double purple Wave petunia, a large holiday cactus (mine blooms for all important holidays so I can't call it a Christmas cactus, it will even bloom for July 4th). The birdhouses ended up red, white and blue because I simply couldn't find the right color turquoise or green or yellow. And the cans of spray paint were far more expensive than I'd thought they would be (el cheapo paint comes only in black and white). So I used what I had on hand here at home and that ended up being RWB. That corner is beginning to shape up into the front porch I'd dreamed of and it came together fairly quickly. I'm not finished but it's awfully nice to know I've started.
And of course, the xanga post got written all over again, housework got finished up, groceries had been bought, so the day wasn't a waste after all. As for those tv programs I really think I need to look into recording them with that lovely old VCR that works just fine, thank you. Then I can watch them when the time suits me, rather than working my life around the tv schedule.
Overall, I'm very satisfied with my day of Inspiration. Fair warning, it may be Wednesday before I can post again, but I'll take notes so you can keep up with this journey of 70 weeks duration of Living An Inspired Life.
I couldn't make up my mind if I wanted to go into town or not. If I did go into town at what time? I really wanted to watch three programs that come on back to back mid-morning. I won't get to see them again for days and days, maybe even another 8 days! My window of opportunity to see these programs is small as I am at the mercy of schedules and such most days. Today was a rare free day. Watch tv? Go to town? Miss programs or wait? Stay in town to shop or go out of town? How far out of town? Next town over, two towns over, three towns over? What to do?
While I was letting my left brain argue on and on, my right brain Penny was hard at work and had just reached the end of the post when my computer protection program pops up with one of those "Oh My Gosh! " messages stating that a program was a problem and did I want to remove it from my computer? Well of course, I did! I mean, why am I paying for the stupid program if I'm going to allow viruses and worms and ad-ware and such to run willynilly through my computer causing it to disintegrate even faster than the manufacturer had hoped it might? So I hit the "yes" button never once dreaming that for some unknown reason the program it wanted to stop was my blog. So it shut down the window and I hadn't even had time to hit the send button! An hour's worth of work gone, phhhhttt! Just like that. Into the never to be posted black cyber hole.
The thought of starting all over again made me want to cry. And after glancing up at the clock I realized that if I stayed home, I would not be watching the favored tv programs at all...No, duty would demand that I stick right here at the computer recreating that post, regretting the loss of all opportunities to do as I must and wanted. And if I was going to miss the short time allowed me to do the errands and then watch the movie I'd planned then I was going to be unhappy. As tears welled up in my eyes, I knew immediately that I was going to go into town and then beyond town. I was going to do the errands, but first, I was going to take the advice of a slightly older woman who once told me "Women should always do something they want to do every day."
I wanted to go plunder through goodies. I wanted to hunt for treasure. I needed a thrift store fix. First I dressed myself up nicely and put on makeup and checked my reflection, because I need to take time to make me feel good about how I look on the outside. I went into town where the aforesaid slightly older woman stood behind the counter at the thrift store and proceeded to hunt, slowly and methodically, shelf by shelf, until I found every hidden treasure that was meant to be mine.
I'm too tired this afternoon to bother with the strain of trying to load photos, but I'll tell you what I found:
1 small, old Currier and Ives print in a white frame, perfect for my bedroom wall where I've started a grouping of old light colored framed pieces of art from the 1930s/40s. This particular print is called At The River.
1 large picture of a young David, sitting on a hillside writing a song, while his sheep graze on the plain below him. That picture is for my Christian songwriting husband to go on another wall of the bedroom, one where we have a couple of pieces of Christian artwork.
l medium sized print of small blue birds with yellow chests. I have no idea where I'll put it, but I do collect bluebirds so I guess that's why it spoke to me.
2 sage green ceramic planters, just big enough for a small pot of ivy.
4 sort of sage-olive green and cream saucers, perfect for the stinking narrow galley rail above my stove that will hold nothing but saucers.
A pair of milk glass salt and pepper shakers...or I thought they were glass. I'm beginning to think it's more like a high density plastic since handling them in dishwasher.
1 1963 copy of Hints from Heloise.
Yes, I was very satisfied and my wallet didn't feel the strain because my husband, in great wisdom, suggested a month ago that if I must spend money couldn't I at least start my own little fund in the checking account that is earmarked for shopping? I followed his advice and had two deposits worth of money in the special fund.
Then I took off to go to Walmart. Because I'd done something for myself, I was ready to do just a tiny bit more for me, and a little something for the husband and the family. At Walmart I got two small Ivy, one small wave petunia and a small tabletop ironing board. Now that might seem an odd object to say I bought for myself, given my history of disliking ironing mightily, but you'll see why in a few moments. And I bought myself two new bras because a woman my age always needs a good bra if she's to look at least as young as she is!
I felt I'd spent quite enough on me at that point, so I looked up a special object my husband had gently hinted he'd love to own: a plastic sandwich box that looks like a Wonder Bread wrapper. No kidding, the man loves things that make him nostalgic for his childhood and he saw a nurse with one of those yesterday and he really wanted one, I could hear it in his voice as he told me of it, though he never said "Let's see if we can find one, " because he just doesn't do that. Just to let you know I didn't imagine things, he called while I was in Walmart and asked "Where are you and what are you doing?" and I said "In Walmart looking for a Wonder Bread sandwich box." His reply, "Really? For me?", pretty much said it all.
I picked up the necessary groceries including sweet treats for my daughter then left Walmart and pondered lunchtime options. Thinking over the numerous restaurants in the area I asked myself what did I really really want? I gave myself permission to have whatever I really wanted. This is something I forget to do too often. You might think this would be dangerously expensiveor high calorie, but often it's not. And I am always satisfied with what I eat when I remember to do this. It's those times when I don't do it that I end up eating something that leaves me dissatisfied and grazing all afternoon long that gets expensive and weighty.
What I really wanted today: a good burger and a frozen coke. Done deal. Had both at Burger King and went on my way. It was so hot and miserable outdoors that I also decided I really wanted a small ice cream cone. So I stopped in the next town and got a cone and ate it on the way home.
Totally satisfied. Didn't want a single bite of anything, no snacks, nothing, until supper time tonight. I felt I'd chosen well. I had lettuce, tomato and onion on my burger, no fries or any of the other fatty sides. A small cone, which is Weight Watcher acceptable as a dessert. Supper tonight a big bowl of tossed salad with chunks of roast beef as the protein. 1/2 cup pineapple chunks. And a good cup of coffee as a chaser.
Now back to the mid-afternoon when I arrived back home. I went to work on that front porch again. The old big ironing board is now on the front porch, holding a variety of red, white and blue birdhouses, two teapots: one filled with an ivy plant, the other with a double purple Wave petunia, a large holiday cactus (mine blooms for all important holidays so I can't call it a Christmas cactus, it will even bloom for July 4th). The birdhouses ended up red, white and blue because I simply couldn't find the right color turquoise or green or yellow. And the cans of spray paint were far more expensive than I'd thought they would be (el cheapo paint comes only in black and white). So I used what I had on hand here at home and that ended up being RWB. That corner is beginning to shape up into the front porch I'd dreamed of and it came together fairly quickly. I'm not finished but it's awfully nice to know I've started.
And of course, the xanga post got written all over again, housework got finished up, groceries had been bought, so the day wasn't a waste after all. As for those tv programs I really think I need to look into recording them with that lovely old VCR that works just fine, thank you. Then I can watch them when the time suits me, rather than working my life around the tv schedule.
Overall, I'm very satisfied with my day of Inspiration. Fair warning, it may be Wednesday before I can post again, but I'll take notes so you can keep up with this journey of 70 weeks duration of Living An Inspired Life.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Week 1 Day 2: Lack of Motivation and Overcoming Fear
So, you might ask, Just where were you yesterday? What great revelations occurred on Day 1 of your Inspired Life Plan?
Well, I didn't make it back to the computer to post about it 'tis true, but live it I did. And it was pretty much what any day is in the life of the average woman. I did a bit of housework, performed a bit of daughterly duties, performed a few motherly tasks, comforted a friend, wished mightily for a nap and thought a lot, a great deal, about what an Inspired Life for me would be.
While sitting with Granny I did not write out the proposed list. Instead, I supervised a visit from the visiting nurse, cleaned Mama's badly splattered bathroom, helped Granny do some necessary things, fielded phone calls from home health associates and looked through some old cookbooks I'd picked up in the past two months, all of which deal with budget/economy meals.
Because I realize that this must be a whole life thing, and that would necessarily require good fiscal management I thought I might learn a thing or two new, or at least be reminded of a few things I'd forgotten. And I realized that even on a budget, one might have some scope for meats other than ground beef and chicken. There are a variety of meats and fishes out there and we seldom or never eat some of them. And what's more, I don't even look at them to see if they are affordable. I'm talking about lamb and veal and haddock and scallops.
I also noticed in one of the cookbooks a preponderance of super starchy carbohydrate heavy dishes. Having been what can best be described as poor at one point in my life, and having a lot of extra weight on my personage thanks to that carb heavy regime, I know too well that we will not be returning to that mainstay of many a budget eating plan, thank you! Fortunately, we are entering a time of year when one might easily eat five or nine different fruits and vegetable in a day's time, and all in season, and all budget priced at once. The challenge truly will come this winter when eating whole seasonal foods is still essential, but far more limited.
So how did I live an Inspired Life yesterday? I explored options. I thought about possibilities. I dreamed my life anew. And though I'd planned more activity and more planning than was actually accomplished, I did not procrastinate. I just fit it in around the things I had to do.
Day Two: No kidding, I am very tired and weary. Last night's news from my friend about another dear friend's health concerns laid us low and I spent a great deal of the night awake and actively praying for him. I was barely out of bed thirty minutes this morning when Mama called asking my husband to please come help Granny who'd fallen. Thankfully he was just about to leave for work and was able to go by there on his way, instead of being gone. And more thankfully, Granny was just fine, but Mama was awfully shaken up.
The house pretty much looked like mini whirlwinds had been through it. I couldn't believe that being gone all day yesterday and the three of us home only a couple hours prior to bed last night could possibly result in that much chaos, but it did.
Tiredness always, always makes me indecisive. Hence I've been ambivalent all day long about what I might do, what I ought to do and what I want to do. I've found that my best bet, health-wise, is to do what must be done, rest, rest, rest, drink loads of water and let my efforts be more mental than physical. On my schedule therefore this afternoon: a nap. And early to bed for my evening schedule. And tomorrow, I will physically tackle another task. But in the meantime, I've not allowed myself to be completely idle. I want today to count for a bit more than yesterday did on my road to Inspired Living.
So while I was culling magazines from the bin to pass on to my friend, I also culled ideas from said magazines. One was a duplicate copy and I actually tore pages from it to use as inspiration pages. And it worked! While I was looking for inspiration, I was inspired to think about using what I have to make my front porch an inviting seating area for summer. My daughter just spray painted the old iron chairs raspberry red, which will look fresh and new on the front porch.
I have a variety of birdhouses in various shades of mildewed white that no longer inspire me at all. In fact, I was thinking of tossing them in the trash this morning when I was sweeping off the porch, but suddenly I thought: paint them all in various bright shades. Spray paint is cheap, thank goodness. I can buy five cans for under $10 (and have paint to spare) and paint each one a different shade.
I also have a collection of chipped, cracked, "can't use 'em for anything but aren't they pretty" teapots...What unique planters that will make for the front porch. Two or three plants from a six pack of plants will easily fill each teapot.
My dream is to find a baker's rack...But in the meantime, an earlier inspiration this week was to paint my old metal ironing board which is seldom used, and set it up on the front porch as a plant stand/beverage center.
I also happen to have an old window frame, without the glass, that I could hang on the wall above that new beverage center and maybe hang some pretty things in the middle of each frame, suspended from cup hooks... I see Cute coming alive out there in a hurry, don't you?
I figure I can scout around the dollar fabric table to find inexpensive material to use to make cushions for the chairs, perhaps find some inexpensive but colorful twin flat sheets for curtains to shade the sometimes hot afternoon sun and just soften up the hard edges...Do you see where this is headed? And why not seek out an old rug at the thrift store that I could use as well? I'm looking at spending maybe $30 on the whole thing and I can't wait to make out my list to get started!
So I spent all that time getting inspired, which is terrific, but inspiration without action is dust, isn't it? I thought I'd share a project that I finally finished off today, though it's been a good two years in progress.
Well those photos start out with the finished project and progress downward to the first coat of paint that went on. As I get more familiar with blogger perhaps I can actually learn to load pictures as easily as I over at my Xanga site. In the meantime, I'll explain as best I can about the photos.
Scrolling to the last photo: you see the original cream colored paint, put on about 15 years ago now, which had been just fine, but was boring. I wanted to see that lovely old piece of furniture display a bit of personality and I waffled along for two years talking about how it would look painted, looking at paint samples and dreaming it the colors I wanted it. I finally broke down and bought a can of black paint and started it.
The next picture up shows the 2nd attempt at a gold colored center panel. I had to take the paint I chose and add about a gallon of white to get it toned down to that bright gold color you see in the photo. Just imagine how much scarier the original coat had been!
Next photo up shows the floral wreaths. I eventually found the coral red that I painted the flowers, and I painted the edges of the panels the same green as the leaves of the wreath, but at that point I was just happy to rub on the rooster decals I found at Walmart. And after painting the flowers and edges, I left the piece alone for two years. I loved the gold color in the panel but, but, it just wasn't quite right. The paint looked too flat and chalky next to the gloss black of the rest of the piece.
Now we move up to the top two photographs which show the results of the work I did today.
For months I've been debating how to tone down those panels and at the same time give some sort of gloss to them to make them look finished. I dickered back and forth in my head with the merits of shoe polish, paste wax, and stain. Ultimately, I decided today to just go with the shoe polish. Number one, I knew we had an old can of seldom used brown in the shoe polish kit. Number two, I didn't have to go buy it. Number three, shoe polish doesn't have a tendency to spill and splatter the way stain does when you have a tired, accident prone woman at work.
Frankly, I LOVE the way this turned out. The polish sort of grabbed the dings and deeper brush strokes on the door and the panels have a depth and richness that was missing before, and finally the piece looks old again, which is why I've always loved it anyway. And my fears were totally unfounded because just as I've always suspected, my instincts are good and often right, if I'd just learn to trust them!
I know today isn't nearly over yet, and there's more to be learned, and inspired by, and just plain enjoyed in the hours remaining, but I'll end this post now and go take that nap for myself, because after all I did promise myself I'd take one and we must keep the promises we make to ourselves, just as practice on keeping them when we make them to others.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Motivation and Inspiration: 70 Weeks
About a year ago, back in the middle of last spring, I came across a Bible passage that had something to do with 70 weeks. Right now, I can't for the life of me remember what and I'm entirely too lazy to get up and look through my journal to see what it was that inspired me. Anyway, my first instinct was that 70 weeks was a loooonnnnngggg time...then it occurred to me that it's a year and 1/4 or thereabouts. Given the way time speeds past these days that isn't very long at all!
So I committed myself to an Inspiration of 70 weeks duration, in which I would eat healthyily, stretch my body and my brain, open my mind and soul to the possibilities of having the 'dream' life I've always wanted. About 10 weeks into the whole thing I got sick, we began going through a season of unexpected strains on finances, and it seemed all we touched tarnished.
Fast forward to Winter. Recommitment to my Grand Plan, my Inspired Life.... Boom! Mama fell and broke her ankle and I spent the next five months coping with the doctor visits, shopping and errands for two households besides my own, and a bunch of other stuff.
So this afternoon I sat down and said to myself, "What if things don't stop happening? What if I'm like the man on yesterday's episode of BBC's Hotel Inspector who has a 20 yr old to-do list tacked to the wall...and have never gotten round to anything at all upon it?" I still want that Inspired Life you see, that stretch of self to be more than I am at present, to grow and learn and live nearer that dream life. And then I sat down with the calendar and put on tomorrow's date: 1/1 which would read Week One Day One.
And no sooner was that symbol written than my Mom called to ask "Can't you come stay with Granny a bit tomorrow?" and my daughter asked "Aren't you taking me shopping for pants tomorrow?" And I thought of the double load of laundry in the basket and the unmopped floors and the Wednesday Penny Ann Poundwise Post, and the making of dinner and lunches for the following day and ....
Then it hit me. If I don't just do it, then when will I? So what will I do tomorrow while I sit with Granny? I shall take along my stack of inspiration papers and my Homekeeping Journal and I will make out a list of the things I intend to accomplish this week, the first week of my Inspired Life. And then I'll make a plan for the rest of the month.
New recipes, new looks for myself, for my home, a new course of study...As Anne of Avonlea would say "There's so much scope for imagination!"
Of course, there are things that will have to be tended to. I can't very well escape my duties, but then flights of fancy are always sweeter when they follow the duties you must perform, I think. And I'll share with you daily where my flights of fancy have taken me, what I've learned, what I'm struggling to understand, how I'm making my life an authentic Inspired Life. All in the next 70 weeks.
So I committed myself to an Inspiration of 70 weeks duration, in which I would eat healthyily, stretch my body and my brain, open my mind and soul to the possibilities of having the 'dream' life I've always wanted. About 10 weeks into the whole thing I got sick, we began going through a season of unexpected strains on finances, and it seemed all we touched tarnished.
Fast forward to Winter. Recommitment to my Grand Plan, my Inspired Life.... Boom! Mama fell and broke her ankle and I spent the next five months coping with the doctor visits, shopping and errands for two households besides my own, and a bunch of other stuff.
So this afternoon I sat down and said to myself, "What if things don't stop happening? What if I'm like the man on yesterday's episode of BBC's Hotel Inspector who has a 20 yr old to-do list tacked to the wall...and have never gotten round to anything at all upon it?" I still want that Inspired Life you see, that stretch of self to be more than I am at present, to grow and learn and live nearer that dream life. And then I sat down with the calendar and put on tomorrow's date: 1/1 which would read Week One Day One.
And no sooner was that symbol written than my Mom called to ask "Can't you come stay with Granny a bit tomorrow?" and my daughter asked "Aren't you taking me shopping for pants tomorrow?" And I thought of the double load of laundry in the basket and the unmopped floors and the Wednesday Penny Ann Poundwise Post, and the making of dinner and lunches for the following day and ....
Then it hit me. If I don't just do it, then when will I? So what will I do tomorrow while I sit with Granny? I shall take along my stack of inspiration papers and my Homekeeping Journal and I will make out a list of the things I intend to accomplish this week, the first week of my Inspired Life. And then I'll make a plan for the rest of the month.
New recipes, new looks for myself, for my home, a new course of study...As Anne of Avonlea would say "There's so much scope for imagination!"
Of course, there are things that will have to be tended to. I can't very well escape my duties, but then flights of fancy are always sweeter when they follow the duties you must perform, I think. And I'll share with you daily where my flights of fancy have taken me, what I've learned, what I'm struggling to understand, how I'm making my life an authentic Inspired Life. All in the next 70 weeks.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Reminder to Myself
Many years ago, when dealing with holiday angst, I realized something vital and important. I'd been watching a movie where the family all came together on a snowy November Thanksgiving Day, gathered around the table and laughter arose. "WHY ," I cried out, "can't my family be like that one?" Well then it hit me. These people weren't family! They were merely actors being paid to portray an idealistic view of a family. Had it been a real family I am sure the air at the table would have been rife with petty annoyances, jealousies, unforgiveness, anger, hurt...Hidden, or not, under laughter and teasing and polite conversation.
This past month I've dealt with a head-on crash course in that reminder. I find myself angry, upset, aggravated, hurt, frustrated. And confused on so many levels, I could barely sort myself out. At this time of life, the last thing I need is more confusion! I get quite enough as it is with the hormonal (or as my daughter insisted on calling them "Horror moans") changes. And I mightily dislike the bitter, complaining, whining woman I become when I try to tell others of the sheer perfidy, the angst, the manipulations of family relationships by one family member or another.
Which leaves me wondering why we are born into a family? How is it we feel alienated from the very people who are related to us by blood and genetics? And how is it that we are formed by that family into a person alien to them? Why do I feel like a stranger amongst my own people?
True, even within my own home there are those children who feel alienated by our beliefs and philosophies and who seek to distance themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually...but in the end, aren't we all we've got? And in the end, shouldn't we all just try to get along? And why is it that some are expected to go far greater distances to get along than others who prefer to wallow in their mucky messes?
Family....Now there's a real mystery of life!
This past month I've dealt with a head-on crash course in that reminder. I find myself angry, upset, aggravated, hurt, frustrated. And confused on so many levels, I could barely sort myself out. At this time of life, the last thing I need is more confusion! I get quite enough as it is with the hormonal (or as my daughter insisted on calling them "Horror moans") changes. And I mightily dislike the bitter, complaining, whining woman I become when I try to tell others of the sheer perfidy, the angst, the manipulations of family relationships by one family member or another.
Which leaves me wondering why we are born into a family? How is it we feel alienated from the very people who are related to us by blood and genetics? And how is it that we are formed by that family into a person alien to them? Why do I feel like a stranger amongst my own people?
True, even within my own home there are those children who feel alienated by our beliefs and philosophies and who seek to distance themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually...but in the end, aren't we all we've got? And in the end, shouldn't we all just try to get along? And why is it that some are expected to go far greater distances to get along than others who prefer to wallow in their mucky messes?
Family....Now there's a real mystery of life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)